something weird happens to me every year. 
i get older.
this year, i feel like i got a lot older.
i turned 25. a quarter of a century.
for some reason, it just feels like it should be more important. like it’s more significant – a real turning point in my life. and not like the others. it’s different than 21, or 18, or 16. it’s 25.
i feel like i’ve turned a corner. things i’ve been putting off until “after i turn 25” are now here, pertinent, necessary. and if i’m being completely honest, i’m freaking out a little.
i’m getting invitations to things like house-warming parties and showers. last week i bought my friends a doormat – and it was a huge hit. i’ve officially arrived at the point in life where finger sandwiches and monogramed stemware are an exciting weekend.
i’m more worried than ever about things like budgeting, financial planning, and saving. how detrimental is it to my long term security that i am nowhere close to having a 401k or any kind of retirement plan? what kind of long-term toll is living paycheck to paycheck and potentially going on food stamps going to have?
i think about my health more than i ever have. and not just normal, “i probably should work out more often” kind of thoughts. i am increasingly conscious of what i eat, and i’ve actually considered significantly cutting down on my meat intake. every day i look in the mirror and convince myself that i’m just imagining my hair getting thinner. i actually had a conversation over the weekend about how my friends and i have started paying more for haircuts because stylists are better at hiding our receding hairlines. and i’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but i think i’m working on an acute case of paranoia.
truthfully, all of this can probably be traced back to one common root.
i want a wife.
correction. i’m 25 and i want to start looking for a wife.
i know that as soon as all my over-25-and-single friends read that, the fountain of resentment starts bubbling, but seriously, something is different about being 25 and eligible. maybe it’s just me, but 24 and single is temporarily inconvenient. turn 25 and the clock is ticking. or at least it feels that way.
in turning 25 i’ve been doing some reflecting, and lately i’ve been thinking a lot about this stuff. specifically, when is the “right” time? as challenging as it can seem, i don’t want to just find someone because all my friends are getting engaged, or because i’m lonely, or because it’s just “time.”
so, though i’m anxious, i’m not in a hurry. god has had me in a season of increasing depth and intimacy with him and in growing me more and more into the man i can be. i think he’s got plenty more to teach me about discipline and responsibility and honor and character and intimacy. but it won’t happen overnight, or by accident, or be over before i meet the girl of my dreams. but i don’t need to be perfect. i just want to be the kind of man who deserves the kind of woman i want to marry. but how will i know when i get there?
i know it’s cliché, but i think it’s true – you just know. and until then, i’m going to pursue being the kind of man i want to be, the kind of man god has made me to be, and the kind of man who deserves my wife. i’m going to choose to love better, to give more of myself, to honor those around me, and to seek first true relationship with my father. trusting that the woman out there who i’ll someday call my wife will fall in love with those parts of me, and overlook my retreating hairline.
in short, my goal for my 25th year is not to just grow older, but to grow up.
