It’s easy to live life like everything’s peachy in the States. You usually have a job to keep you busy and that pays the bills. You have friends that you go to dinner with or out to the bars with. You drown your problems with fleshly desires. You chat about how your work week went, what’s wrong with your sports team, or who did that outrageous act at the Grammy’s. You keep the conversation surface level, and to go any deeper would be out of the ordinary. It’s easy to keep God at a distance, and keep your relationship with Him to weekly church services, prayers once in a blue moon, and a little bit of scripture reading there and there. I did it for years.
Not on the Race. On the Race you don’t have internet, television, music, and those everyday distractions. You don’t say goodbye to your friends and coworkers everyday and shut yourself in your room or apartment. You don’t hide behind facebook and gchat and texting. You maybe have a bed to yourself, but never a room to yourself. Your daily alone time may be the 5 minutes you get in the shower(whatever that looks like depending on the month),when you sit on the curb away from your team while you wait for the bus or a contact, or when it is acceptable and safe to plug in your headphones. You literally can’t get away from your problems.
Especially when you have incredible people living with you. Amazing teammates that know within the hour when you are struggling with something, and you can’t just say “I’m fine”, because they don’t believe you and will push and pull until you spill your guts. They love you and they pray with you.
Coming into the Race I knew I had my baggage that I had to deal with. I guess I underestimated just the extent of it and how deep I had pushed it down throughout my life. My fears of rejection by friends. My fears of inadequacy. My fears of being unloved and unworthy. My body image. My comparisons and desperate need for approval by people.
But this trip and journey with God has propelled me to throw all my filth on to the table, stare at it, process it, and leave it at the cross. And it’s definitely a process. I have had issues in Month 1 that continue to come back up again. But there is not magic wand, no quick fix, no pill to take it all away. But God has continued to show me time and time again that he uses the weak to show His glory. When I push into Him when I’m struggling rather than drown myself in worldly things He truly brings me peace. Has this trip been hard? Yes. Has this trip gone without tears, frustration, anger, disappointment, fears, and doubt? Of course not. Has it been worth every second? Absolutely.
