Suffication. Uneasiness. Restlessness. Panic. Sadness.
Those are words that describe my feelings when I feel out of control.
This month we have had a lot of down time. AKA a lot of time for God to speak to me.
When I experience those feelings there are people that I "need" to talk to. "Need" to vent to. I talk to God. I vent to God. But when there is no immediate response from Him I go to people.
What I am about to tell you is one thing that I feel is so BEAUTIFUL about living in community. Em, one of my teammates, asked me if I longed to be at home because I am always talking to people from home whenever I get the chance. The question kind of shocked me. It pricked me. I needed to go to The Lord about it.
As I was in prayer and journaling my questions to God I realized that I didn't trust the girls on my team enough to speak into my life. I didn't trust them enough to seek their advice in some areas. If they didn't fit into my mold that I'd created for someone to be suitable to mentor me, then I couldn't learn from them.
How much more arrogant can you get?
I needed my people from home. I needed to call home and talk to them. I needed their opinion. I needed them to fix this for me. But the internet wouldn't work (story of our lives right?).
I was left with God.
I then asked for forgiveness because they are God's daughters and this is the team that He put me on. I had been asking for opportunities to depend on Him.. well here it was.
That day for team time we listened to a sermon about a woman describing how children and the poor were her best teachers (insert the emoji that is wide eyed).
How highly do I view myself that I cannot learn from the girls on my team? The Word calls us to consider others better than ourselves. I've lived the exact opposite of that.
So I did what anyone would do. I confessed to my team. I repented. And they were receptive. Not only did I get to rely on God and watch Him come through for me by answering my questions and lovingly using my teammate to pull greatness out of me, but I got to see just how beautiful community can be.
I've decided to start journaling/praying over decisions and issues instead of reaching out to people. I haven't trusted God in a lot of places simply because I've never seen Him come through.
But I've never given Him the opportunity to. I've never waited. I've always taken action.
As I have mentioned before, God is wanting to tell me who I am. In order to know who I am I have to know my Creator. If I am to trust who God says I am, I first have to trust that He is who He says He is.
Faithful
Trustworthy
Good
Holy
Righteous
Provider
Healer
Sufficient
Loving
Compassionate
Jealous
Just
Patient
Forgiving
Creator
Savior
Redeemer
All-Knowing
…and so much more.
Who do you say that He is? Do you know Him?
