I have wracked my brain in the craziness that has been the past few weeks to find the words to write this post. I’ve come up short.
I don’t know what to say other than these past few days have been so hectic. I’ve literally procrastinated on pretty much everything. I’m struggling.
I’d love to be one of those people who have everything packed and all their important things in order like bank accounts, power of attorneys, living wills… but I’m not. I’ve failed.
I’ve been nonstop busy. In the past month, I’ve traveled to Ft. Myers twice (4.5 hours each way) and Tampa. I’ve attended going-away, holiday, and birthday parties. I officiated my best friend’s wedding. I have ordered a million things on Amazon. I’ve gone to CVS a bunch of times for last minute stuff. I did have a couple days sprinkled in there to binge watch some tv (and recharge). I’ve had very little time to breathe.
I’m stressing over packing. I don’t know if I have what I need. I have no idea what it will be like on this trip despite all of the blogs and packing lists I’ve read. I have no clue.
Looking back, I see that God has been preparing me for the months ahead. There won’t always be time for me to sit around doing nothing. I won’t be able to flip on the tv and switch off my brain. Hindsight is nice. But looking ahead isn’t so much fun. I’ve been worrying about a lot of stuff. Especially now, only a couple days from launch, I don’t know how I’m going to make it with all my sanity intact.
You may have noticed a pattern. I’ve come up short… I’m struggling… I’ve failed… This is typical of my thinking. I don’t have much grace for myself. I have a hard time understanding grace, not even when it comes from God. But I don’t imagine God’s watching me and saying, “Ugh, if you’d only had ordered that item months ago, you wouldn’t be struggling to pack your stuff… Get it together, Candace.” No, God’s been telling me over and over to slow down, relax, I’ll provide for you, don’t worry, stop fretting, I’ll take care of everything.
So, I’m going to allow myself grace over this situation. I don’t know exactly what I need for this trip. That’s okay. I’ll take what I have and tweak it along the way. I will be fine. My pack will be heavy at the start, but as the months pass by, and I become less and less dependent on things, my load will become lighter. Of course, that reminds me of this wonderful scripture:
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” – Matthew 11:29-30
Do you allow grace for yourself? How do you deal with difficult, unknown situations without grace?
My launch date is 1/7/15! Two days away! I’m so thankful for everyone’s support and prayers. Please pray for my squad’s safety as we travel to Manipur, India. I’m only $2,200 away from my next goal. If you’d like to support me financially, click on the “Support Me!” link on the side of this blog.
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