I started this race with the intention of going home a brand new creation once the race is over, but three weeks into my race i realized something really scary. I came to the realization that i run the risk of going home the exact same broken, lonely, unfulfilled person that i walk in as before. I sacrificed way too much to not come out of this changed by the power of Christ. Not to mention the old me isn’t to Christ like, and I want her GONE! I want this new life that Christ has offered me and I want everything I can.
The first few weeks of the race i was always angry, angry about literally everything..
- About the team i was placed on
- About having to give everything up for something i felt wasn’t there
- Because as hard as i tried i couldn’t hear God speaking.
I didn’t want God to be silent. I wanted to hear from him… It was brought to my attention that he was speaking i was just tuning him out cause i wasn’t hearing what i wanted to hear. That was pretty hard to hear.. haha
Then we did a listening prayer.. once again got nothing, however the person listening for me got a BIG something. She told me that i ran the risk of leaving the same person i came in as and that it was going to be my fault. I wanted everything done for me and that wasn’t how God was going to work this out. He had given me the tools but i was going to have to break this block down that was keeping me from him. The block was that i had shut down and that i wasn’t letting my team in.
I had been struggling with the team i was placed on, i honestly felt like God had made a mistake in putting our team together, i had nothing in common with them. I guess i would have thought that. I never wanted to have anything to do with my team honestly and so i knew nothing about any of them, except that i wasn’t the only one not happy with the team. Anyways that night during the listening prayer Amanda said that i needed to let my team in and apologize because God has a plan and i am not in charge.
So i called a team meeting and we talked about it. I know that we are a team that will have to fight for each other and we will have to fight to keep our team together. But i know God did not make a mistake. Its just us this month and we have grown so close. I can honestly say i like my team now and i cant wait to see how God will use each of us to call each other into greatness.
