I fell two Saturdays ago and I am pretty sure I sprained my foot. I tried to rest it as much as I could, but that’s difficult to do in the middle of ministry in Nicaragua. Between the manual labor and the mile walk it takes to get anywhere in this town, I was ready to throw in the towel. Nothing seemed to help it. That was when I thought my race was over and I may have to come home. But seriously, did I have that little faith in what my God could do? I feel ashamed to even admit it now, but I thought it wasn’t going to get any better.
Then, after two weeks of dealing with my injury, I started to think that maybe God wanted to show me something though this pain. I was just going to suffer through it and try my hardest to see what this lesson was. On Sunday night, we had a worship session. In one song that I had never really listened to before the lyrics in the chorus say:
“This is Jesus, in His glory. King of Heaven, dying for me. It is finished, he has done it it. Death is beaten, heaven beckons me.”
It hit me harder in that moment than ever before. Not only did the maker of heaven and earth, the creator of everything, die for me. He suffered for me. In that moment, a little piece of me rejoiced that my foot was in so much pain. I was ready to endure the pain. I mean, it was nothing like the pain he had to endure. Worship had ended and my foot was still in major pain, but I really didn’t care. Until the next day.
We went on a tour of a canyon in a city called Sonoto, about 45 mins away. The tour was four hours long and we already had to walk what felt like a million miles to the travel agency. I had a little mini internal breakdown and felt like I should have stayed home. Then I could have rested my foot and wouldn’t want to cut it off. We leave the travel agency and get into a taxi, where we are then brought to a road that will lead us to the canyon. The walk to the canyon is about 30 minutes, through all kinds of different rocks, bends, inclines, and declines. About halfway through, I have fallen behind and aggravation sets in. I am so angry! Why hasn’t God shown up yet? What the hell is the point in all this dang pain? Funny that I’m having this meltdown when our devotional that morning was:
Be prepared to suffer for me, in My Name.
All suffering has meaning in my kingdom.
Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in me.
Bearing your circumstances bravely-even thanking me for them-is one of the highest forms of praise.
When suffering strikes remember that I am good and I can bring good out of everything.
Anyways, so I am sitting on a rock with my foot in the river crying out of frustration at this point more than pain. I didn’t want to be that girl that slowed down the tour. I didn’t want to be that girl that everyone had to pick up the slack for. However, that is exactly who I was going to be if my foot didn’t get any better. Or if I didn’t choose to sing praises in the pain and realize that my team didn’t see me as the weak link. I was letting myself think that. My team time and time again said, “Take your time, take all the time you need.”
Bobbi Jo came over and started praying for me, and I remember in my mumbled little breath I just said, “Let me find joy in this, please don’t let this ruin my day. I’m not entirely sure what Bobbi prayed but I felt some sort of relief. I sat for a minute longer till I realized the tour must go on. So I stood up and there was no pain. I took a few more steps and then let out a cry I had never in my life cried before. I had been healed. Me and Bobbi Jo cried for a minute then went on with the tour. A few minutes later the pain came back but not nearly as much as earlier. I just smiled and thanked God that he can heal and that he would, but that I could suffer just a little bit like he had done for me.
The rest of the day was great. I jumped off cliffs, swam in the canyon, went down some rapids, and then walked back the 30 minute walk it had taken us to get there.I couldn’t even remember the pain anymore. I had found a way to enjoy it and embrace it. I woke up this morning pain free and I learned a big lesson in this all. God can and will heal the pain, but maybe he wants you to learn a thing or two before he does it.
