So I am having what I like to call a mid-race crisis. I know I know it sounds crazy but hear me out. We have less time on the race at this point than what we have already done. I’m going into month 7, for Pete’s sake, and it just hit me that I sold all of my stuff. What was I thinking? How on earth did I think that was a good idea? Oh now what I am doing on the race? Why am I even here am I making a difference? What will I do when I get home? I have no place to live, no car to drive, no job lined up…
All at once all this comes flooding in. All at once I see the end of the race as this dead end to my life. I start to think to myself that God won’t be there to support me when I get home from the race. That when I get off the plane, I won’t have anywhere to go and that God won’t care anymore. I start to see God, as this horrible man, who will at any giving point will pull the rug out from underneath me. Then what will I do? I’ve had the rug pulled out from me too many times now and I don’t want another do over.
Of course when all this is going on in my head, everything I have starts to break. My computer wont turn on, the hard drive has crashed. I’ll have to borrow a computer for the rest of the race when I want to write a blog or check anything like emails, facebook, etc. My Ipod has lost its pixels and works when it wants.
All this coming from a person, who at the beginning had so much faith in God, I couldn’t be shaken. I wouldn’t feed into peoples “what ifs?” I wouldn’t hear anyone tell me that this was a crazy extreme thing, which I wasn’t really thinking about, that I was just doing. I had all the faith in the world that I followed a God who would never turn his back on me. What happened to that girl? I knew that I had to get her back. I refuse to go back in time and be the person Satan wants me to be.
HECK NO! I will choose to stand up and believe. Faith is about choosing to believe in the things unseen. So what if I don’t know what I’ll do when I get home, or where I’ll live. For it is written, “the son of man will have no where to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). I made that choice when I decided to follow him. I was never promised an easy race or life, but I was promised that it would be worth it.
What Satan has tried to make me feel horrible by creeping in and getting me to believe all these lies when things were getting uncomfortable God has turned to GOOD! I know what I have to look forward to. A life that glorifies my Father in heaven and I couldn’t be more amazed at the fact that he choose me to glorify him!
Take that Satan,
Candace
