My natural tendency when someone hurts me is to peace right out of their lives. I just decide that I “deserve” to be treated well, and I walk on out when I'm not. Unfortunately, this is a pretty unhealthy habit of mine.
The epiphany hit me recently, as I was driving home, after I had gotten upset by a hateful remark made by a friend. Of course, I smiled and acted like nothing was really wrong, but I desperately wanted to say “Hi, you’re a jerk, bye… forever.” However, I had come to the conclusion that I run away when things get hard. I run to my room when I don’t want to face my family (sorry family). I ran home when I had enough at SFA. In fact, when I first found out about the race it looked like a really good way for me to run away from life. Fact: the harder I’m hit with the reality of what the world race is actually going to be like, I realize I’m probably going to want to run away from it as well because I do that, I’m good at it, and I know it will not always be easy.
But here is the beauty of it all: When I have nothing left to give, no ability to love any further, or go any longer – I have a never ending supply of all that I need that comes straight from God. I believe that with everything in me.
Sandra McCracken put it perfectly in her live version on the song Storehouse when she said, “It’s when you feel like your at your wits end, your just beginning to love someone.”
See, I want God’s Kingdom to come, I truly think Jesus is the most beautiful and true form of peace, love, hope, forgiveness, mercy, etc. that this world will ever know. I’m so willing to go and tell people about the hope that can be found in Him, but I’m unwilling to forgive someone because they have a couple flaws? I’m quick to talk about dying to myself so that we can get more of Him, but I struggle to love my friends, my family -my neighbors, because I cant get over myself?
It doesn’t really make sense, does it? How can I expect that God will change an entire world, but I somehow doubt that He can really change me? I want to love everyone, but shouldn’t I start with those two feet in front of me?
Here is the good news, the same sprit that raised christ from the dead lives in me. I now have the ability to do things that I could never do on my own. I no longer have to run away from my problems, because maybe the Kingdom I’m dying to have on earth is one that starts with facing the things that are right in front of me. Maybe instead of running away, I can run to Jesus and find the strength that I never had without Him. Maybe I can worry less about what I'm doing or not doing, and think more about If I'm truly loving God, and loving others.
Then, maybe, the Kingdom will come.
