Facts:
I leave for the race in just over one month
Exactly 34 days (for those of you on the metric system…..)
I put in my 2 weeks notice today at work.
Already!?
I’m a little over halfway funded!
God has continued to bless me
with the most amazing support from
my family,
my friends,
my neighbors,
strangers,
people I have met once
it’s crazy.
I’m realizing time goes fast.
I’m just getting used to home…
and I’m about to leave it
My mom is my best friend in the world..
my family and friends are just amazing…
I’m going to miss them so much.
I have most of the the stuff I need for the race
It’s sitting in a dimly lit corner of my room…
Probably near some spider webs…
What? I’m just getting it ready.
Frustrations:
The ugly jealousy I have seen in my heart lately.
It’s repulsive.
… same with pride,
… and selfishness,
I clearly have some issues.
My constant stupidity in making the
same
mistakes
over and over and over again.
Getting mad over nothing.
My worry, fear and insecurities.
It’s all so annoying
I hate it.
But God’s grace is redeeming. It’s bigger than my sin
The devil is coming at me with some pretty intense lies,
but the Lord has blown me up with truth
in the darkest parts of my heart…
He has spoken to me in a quite whisper
I’m still begging for it to be louder.
I’m still begging to hear him more.
To trust him more.
What if he doesn’t use me?
I will use you.
What if I’m too weak?
You may be weak, but my Spirit is strong
I’m going to be so misunderstood
Yes, so what?
I’m not good enough
You were bought with blood. Get over yourself.
I’m not smart enough
I think I can help you out.
People are going to think I’m crazy
They thought I was first
They may even hate me
They hated me first
I’m not going to be funded in time
It’s all mine. Every penny.
I’m too young
Nope
I will make mistakes
You always have. That’s what I’m here for
Lets get honest:
My desperate need for grace is very apparent lately
you must know,
these blog post are going to get messy.
because I'm a little messy.
I’m in no way promising
what your pastor can tell you on sunday morning..
I don’t have it.
I’m not promising perfection.
I’m far from it.
I can’t give you the exact formula
to share the life of christ
or the easiest way to love people.
I don’t know those things.
But, I’m promising myself and
I don’t even know what exactly that entails
but I’m hoping that you are okay with it.
Because It’s about to get real.
I’ve been so scared and guarded and resistant.
but no longer am I
that girl
that believes the lies
that gives in to fear
that doubts
that worries
Nope.
That girl is gone.
And, I,
I’m all in.
