“If only….”
This phrase has been a part of my vocabulary for far too long.
If only I was better at this, or that….
If only I looked like her…
If only I was smart like him…
If only I could…
The list goes on and on.
I suppose this is my weird way of trying to fix
what was,
what is,
what could be.
My lack of trust.
My inability to see,
“what is” through the dusty window of, “what I want.”
Feeling like what I want is what should be.
Turning myself into god…
despite my evident insecurity.
But I can’t play God.
It’s not about me!
by thinking “if only..” I have begun to make more idols than I know what to do with.
It has left my delicate heart in shattered pieces
with the realization of only one thing,
“Idols always break the hearts of their worshipers.”
So, it’s about time I worship the risen King.
