The amount of things I have learned about God, others, and myself this month kind of blows my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of learning to do. I have yet to reach my “super Christian” status (if that’s even possible), and I’m still learning to see myself the way God sees me.
This month, despite the fact that I have been with my entire squad, I have felt lonely, exhausted, and drained. As I mentioned in my last blog, I have been seeking attention, affirmation and comfort in empty places. I have looked for others to affirm me, love me, and tell me I’m enough. I have looked for the fullness of God in the frailness of humans.
I’ve been distracted by fleeting things.
Conditional love always falls short.
But the problem is not in my mistakes. My problem lies in the way that I have seen God…
I have seen God as though I am an orphan, and not His daughter.
I have seen Him as distant and passive…
And disappointed with me.
And because of this I have hurt myself and so many others. I have held on to offenses. I have not forgiven.
But I’m finally starting to realize the way God truly sees me. I’m learning the extent of my pride and that maybe, just maybe, I’m completely wrong.
I must know He is big enough to change me.
I must believe that He is love.
I must know the fullness of who I am in Christ.
I honestly don’t have the power to change myself. But I do believe, with all my heart, that God has that ability. But not only does He have the ability to change my flaws and use my weakness, He has the ability to see past my flaws and call me worthy.
And when you know the Truth of who you are in God’s eyes, you begin to live in freedom.
Released and redeemed.
I am worthy, and enough, and loved.
Boom.
Because of Christ I have been made worthy and that changes everything. Christ looks at me with joy. He desires to take me into the places of love that I will never experience elsewhere. He wants me to find my satisfaction in Him.
He is not absent
He is not passive
He is not disappointed
He is not angry
He is not anything but completely beautiful.
Unconditional love never falls short.
