“… It occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always know He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her.” – Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller
One night this year, while laying outside under the stars, God gave me a vision of myself. It was so intimate. I was more beautiful than I can explain. I was in a wedding dress and I looked… complete. And I understood the depths that Jesus wanted to reach in my life. I understood what He saw when He looked at me. How, to Him, I was intoxicating. I was His. And no amount of resisting could keep me away from Him. It was our wedding day.
Now, I'm home. I've Returned.
I made it around the world and back. And it was, in fact, real. I did leave. I saw the widows and the orphans. I saw the hopeless and the broken. I held hands with people and I looked in their eyes to find stories. Stories flooded with grace, compassion, and wisdom in a way I have yet to know it.
So naturally wrinkles have become more beautiful.
Poverty has become more real.
Heartbreak has become more frequent.
And prayers have become more desperate
And with my desperate prayers came a very present Spirit. I found Him everywhere. In the smile of a little boy with no shoes on his feet. On the top of a mountain. While crying in my best friends arms. In a country where God isn’t even invited. Yes, He is everywhere, just waiting to reveal Himself to His people. All of them.
He wants to show them that wedding day.
So He took me on a journey…
I learned how to die to live for something better.
I learned to journey deeper into His heart until I’m lost in it.
I learned how little I can do and how much He can do.
I learned that I can have 12 homes but the best one is found in Him.
I learned to yearn for joy before happiness and sorrow before sadness.
I learned to love with perseverance and ask for forgiveness.
I learned to speak life and rebuke lies and defilement.
I learned to welcome conflict and let it grow the depth of my relationships.
And I learned it all deep in my heart.
I understand it all in a very new way. And I realize that maybe there is a meaning to all this. A reason that God loves me. Maybe He actually likes to love me. Maybe He is, in fact, drunk with love for me. And for everyone. Just waiting for the moment when we can have that wedding.
