“Let Go.”
Those were the words she said to me and I knew in that moment that that was what I was supposed to learn this week at training camp.
Letting Go of My Expectations…
First I had had expectations of training camp and boy was I wrong about those! Training camp wrecked my heart even more for what the Lord had for me and my squad in the next 11 months and for our lives after the race.
Second the Lord taught me to let go of any expectations I had for the race. Yeah some days I will being doing exactly what I want to do: like playing with kids and loving on widows; pouring my heart and soul to some teenage girl who has seen too much hurt at her age….but there will also be days where I’ll be bored; where I’ll be sick; where I’ll be so hot I won’t want to move; and on crazy long bus rides; sleeping in airports and days where I’ll be asking Jesus…WHY?! and in this week I began to accept that and let go of the expectations I have had for these 11 months.
Letting Go of Being Comfortable…
Ohhh the comfortability of training camp was thrown out the second day. It was pouring down rain and so cold my teeth were chattering and my “luggage got lost” meaning I had to share with a gracious teammate. She and I slept sharing all of her stuff getting about 2 hours of sleep only to be awakened to a morning run for our exercise…needless to say this was the most uncomfortable I’d been in a very long time…I literally woke up in the middle of the night asking myself if I could do this. But then I remembered words a close friend had shared with me when he said “yeah you love your bed and you love the comforts of being home…but you love the gospel more…” and it was in that moment that I heard Jesus whispering choose me. So right then and there I decided I would have to let go of the comforts of being home, of seeing my family and friends, of watching tv, of eating whatever I wanted, of going wherever I wanted… but I love Jesus so much more and so much more do I want people to know the name of Jesus than to sleep in my own bed…even though I know I will have to wake up everyday and remind myself of this.
Letting Go of My View of Myself…
The week at training camp God taught me so much about how I view myself and how many walls I needed to let Him tear down to have all of me. That I don’t have to be perfect for Him to use me and that the things of my past do not define who I am in Him. I had to let go of how I saw myself and begin to see myself in His view–a precious daughter of the King, who was willing to give His life for me and the rest of the world.
Letting Go of My View of God….
This last one- letting go of how I have seen God my whole life….I have put God in a box for so long and at training camp He shattered that box and I hope I never put Him back in it. God wants to bless us and use us and show us just how much He loves us but if we put other things before Him or around Him He cannot do that.
That’s what she said to me on the last night… “like a sail boat being untied off the dock…just let go.” so that’s what I am going to do. I pray you will do the same. Whatever it is that is holding you back from allowing God to fully infiltrate every part of your life just give it to Him. Just let GO!!
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