Two days before she told me I dreamt I left the race early, that I missed Botswana the country I was most excited about. When I woke up I just thought it was a weird, random dream. The day before she told me I began to journal and The Lord began to speak to me about America and how I didn’t have to fear living a boring life of an American; that my life there could be full of adventure if I would only allow the Holy Spirit to move more in my life everyday. I just thought this was the Lord speaking to me about my life after the race. After all He had called me to the next 6 months of being here. Right?
I was finally able to talk with my mom. It was the first time we’d really talked all month. She’d told me earlier in the month her and dad were getting their passports for month 8 to come visit me. I was so pumped!! In the next few minutes everything would change. I knew my nanny had been sick but then my mom said leukemia. They weren’t completely sure if that’s what it was. Immediately I knew– I was coming home. She wanted to wait to tell me until the second biopsy came back so then I could decide. I went back to our base in Swazi and I prayed and I just kept seeing the word home. I would pray for Him to speak to me through my dreams and every single night I would dream of being home and seeing my grandma and being there with my family during this time.
Sometimes I would awake knowing what I needed to do, other times I would wake up in confusion and anger. Then on Thanksgiving Day I called my mom and it was confirmed it was Leukemia. Now it was my decision–stay for the next 6 months or come home. I knew the entire time what I would do but that didn’t mean that there weren’t a thousand things running through my head.
What would my supporters say? Would they understand? What about my team and my squad? How would they feel? What about me? Was I a failure or a quitter for feeling like I needed to be home with my family? The race was a dream come true for me. I’d loved it. It was what I’d always wanted to do. Travel and help people and share the love of Jesus with them. Something I’d wanted to do long term since I was 15 years old. And now I had to decide to go home or stay… It wasn’t fair. And then The Lord began to reveal to me the truth that I couldn’t see through my clouded thoughts.
The world will still be here. Africa will still be here. Missions will be here. There will always be a kid who needs to be loved. There will always be people who need Jesus. Just because you are leaving doesn’t mean you are leaving all of that behind. These are the things He began to speak into me.
The Lord began to confirm over and over to me that home was where I needed to be. Through scripture, prayer, many things–like miraculously providing a $600 ticket from Southern Africa to America for me, it was certain He was calling me home.
Then it was actually coming to terms with leaving this. The race. The most amazing family, new best friends that I knew would always be there for me, but that I’d thought I’d be doing this crazy, adventure filled life with for the next 6 months. But I knew my heart was home. I did not understand nor do I fully understand it now. All I know is that my Savior has never led me astray this far and I know He won’t now. There may be many more sleepless nights after I get home but I’ve treasured these last 5 months and seen more glimpses of Heaven in the past 5 months then I’ve seen in my life and I am excited for the many more moments He is going to give me as I go home and spend time with my grandma, who was the first person to ever talk to me about my Heavenly Father.
Thank you all for the continued love and support. My race has taken a detour but Jesus is calling me to still run with perseverance and know that He has a good plan for me that I cannot see right now.
