One of the many things I’ve learned on this trip so far is change hurts. You’ve heard it before: “Change is good!”, “Change is necessary!”, well in reality, Change. Hurts. Especially when there’s a lot about you that needs changing. I know, I know, change is inevitable. It’s something that comes with life. What’s crazy is, when we live our lives following Jesus, we never stop changing. yay.
One change that has recently happened in my life is… I went on the World Race! (you didn’t know??
) I thought maybe The Lord would ease into changing my entire life and shaping me into a new person, but no. He’s wasting no time molding me. Which tells me that He’s got a lot of changing to do if He’s already getting started. Some of you know (mom and the rest of the family) that getting me to fully commit to going on the World Race was no easy task. I wrestled with God for months on what to do and if this was His plan for my life. Since being here, I see that this was the only way to get me to fully surrender to him. Being away from home, out of my comfort zone, has taught me that out of my comfort zone and into the unknown is the only place where I can truly find Him. So yeah, that’s what God has already done and it’s only been a month.
Back to change hurting. For me personally, change hurts because it feels like part of me is dying. Being chipped away at and being shaped into the person that The Lord sees can sometimes be painful. When I say it feels like part of me is dying, I mean basically you’re saying goodbye to the old you. Goodbye to pre race Cammy and hello to this stranger that is totally different. That’s what’s happening right now for me. I’m saying goodbye to parts of me that I held onto, and saying hi to the person that God wants me to be. Some of the things He’s doing sting a little. Chipping away piece by piece the ugliness so that I can be more like Him. But the thing is, I don’t want to be the same person anymore. I want to be different, and I’m finding out that the pain of saying goodbye to the old me just might be worth it.
I already know that the race is going to change me and that my walk with God will be stronger. Learning to rely on Him for everything and trusting that He’s got this has already made me love Him more. Being totally out of control of my situation has taught me that it’s ok to not have everything under control! I know for a fact that God will never stop changing us. I mean never. Like until we die He won’t stop. And you know what? That’s ok. Staying the same is boring. So God, whatever change You want to do, please do it, cause You’re good and I know that after You’re done, I’m going to be more like You.
Peace out till next time 🙂
