I should probably confess something, choosing to love all these people that I’m constantly surrounded by and have a good attitude everyday has been exhausting for me. In the beginning it was easier, we were all still getting to know each other and everyone was really considerate and nice all the time, now I feel like I can’t do that anymore. Don’t get me wrong, everyone is still very considerate and really nice, it’s just that sometimes I feel as if I’m putting on a mask or something. A mask of someone who never gets annoyed, never is rude, and someone who isn’t real and isn’t me.
God is changing me into someone that’s pretty different from the girl in Georgia and I realize that. I think for me it’s trying to find a balance of being myself and being considerate of others. Of course I want to be considerate of others. Of course I want to be a nice, kind, compassionate person. I just don’t want to feel like I’m faking it, I want it to be real, genuine kindness. I think that’s what I’m trying to say with this blog. i’m not really sure haha.
For my online class that I’m taking I was told to write a blog on confession. I read this whole article on confessions in Christians lives and how it’s much more than just confessing our sins to God. The article said this, “The characteristics of Christian creeds and confessions however, indicate that both the production and the use of such Christian documents arise within and from the living relationships of humans in communion with God and one another in communities of faith.” That was just a tiny part of it, but I feel like it was saying that as Christians we need confessions. It grows us as a community and makes us grow closer to God.
So that’s why I’m confessing right now that I honestly don’t feel like loving people all the time. I’m confessing that sometimes I fake it and just do it cause I would rather not cause any drama. It’s exhausting. Everyone who is reading this is human, some days you just don’t feel like talking to people, but have to, cause that’s life. I don’t know why I felt like I needed to put this in a blog post, maybe cause I know people can relate. This blog is all over the place, but honestly that’s just how my brain is these days. I pray God softens my heart so that it’s like His so that He allows me to love others even when I don’t want to. I’ve never been constantly surrounded by people day and night so sometimes I don’t know how to deal with it. For instance there are 8 people in my room, everyday, and it’s bunk beds so no privacy, but it’s ok! This is an experience that God is teaching me. I’m not really sure what the meaning of it is in all honesty but I do know that there is a meaning and a reason for why I’m feeling this way. It’s weird to be constantly surrounded by people, but to still feel lonely sometimes too. this whole living in community is weird man.
Peace out till next time 
