“cami what have you been learning?”
the question always makes me blank stare like a deer in the headlights.
my answer:
SO MUCH. WHERE DO I START.
so last night I sat down to put into a few solid words what I have been learning the past few full & good months.
I want to look at where i’ve come from to see where i am and declare where I want to be!
BUSY. CONTENT. LONGING.
I would say that 6 months ago I lived a really busy life! I put on the american mindset and equated success with business and would fill my schedule to the brim! I was afraid to take time of being still and thinking about how I was doing, running from my feelings.
I was content with going to church and being in a faith group and in reading the bible sometimes. even though i didn’t know at the time, I mixed up being comfortable and reaching deeper. I knew there was more!
i found my heart longing for God and looking for it in the approval in my friends or from people and in being good at things. I was longing to be affirmed in who I was and not what I did! because of this longing for love, I refused to show the parts of myself deemed unworthy. some days I would forget that being joyful isn’t always being happy. I was in fear of letting people down. I was longing.
FILLED. GROWING. TRUE.
the past 5 months have been filled.
i’ve been filled with so much of learning who God is and finding out who i really am.it’s been painful and challenging but i know I am in the place of growth and with that has come the growing pains!
in ecuador I learned about true love of people, and how nothing is needed but a heart of love.
I learned that for deep deep joy nothing is needed but a heart of joy.
(this is susie’s hand. i have her to see as the best example of these two truths)
in peru I learned that it’s up to me. I get to choose everyday if I want to exist, or if I want to LIVE. I learned what it means to be humbled through gentle correction, and I learned the importance of my words.
(5/9. the ones who have added to my growth through the gentle correction, and loving me through failing hard)
now the first month in guatemala i’ve learned that it’s ok to not understand how or why things happen.
I learned that God loves me so much that He won’t let me stay where I am.
im learning that in my depths my calling is to be a professional worshipper! that’s not just through song but my life can be a whole song of worship to God. in all the things.
(me. probably singing Mighty Grace by John Mark pantana. (@alyssamcgrail. I love u) through these times of musial worship is when I realized its all about heart posture, and I can keep worshipping after I leave the guitar)
i’m learning who I truly am and that truth lies in being pure despite any actions!
understanding the benefits of what it means to really be vulnerable and tell the team how i’m feeling, what I need, and when i’m failing has given me the most freedom!
STEADY. ALIVE. EXPERT OF THE UNCOMFORTABLE.
throughout this next 4 months/ year of my life I hope to grow in steadiness!!! this will rely on becoming someone who is so dependent on God that their eyes do not waver. I declare that this year God will walk me through fire with no smoke on me and that will come from me relying on His steady faithfulness! By living like this, I hope to become more alive this year than I ever have been. By that I mean I hope to put everything the death that was bringing death to my own life. (doubt in who i am, fear of future, comparison) I also mean by putting to death any mediocrity or settling, but to start daring to dream with God in where He’s taking me and trusting Him with it.
By living in reliance on Gods steadiness and by loving from Him He will bring the most life. I pray that this year I EMBRACE uncomfortable situations because now I now know the growth that comes from it. I won’t hide or duck or fear because I know in who and where the power lies!
😀
I hope you can pray with me about being fearless in living this out!
I hope that from this you are able to know that declaring things over yourself is good!
It’s not scary like making a resolution of eating kale everyday and knowing you’ll probably fail after day 3.
its good because it’s not dependent on just me!
God wants these things for me too, and I just have to let Him do it and meet Him there!
He will never fail me!
——
Lord thank you for all that you’ve been doing. thank you that you give me just what I need everyday-not too little and not too much. thank you that you’re not done with me yet! help me to trust that where I will walk you’ve already been and i’m never alone. thank you for wanting big things for me, bigger than I could dream of!! Living for you is like a dream. help me dare to fail as I step out, and remember that you’ll catch me every single time. I love you!! —
xox,
¡cami!
