Hi friends!
So as some of you may not know, I’m home in Colorado right now! I was originally supposed to come home next week, but there was a Covid outbreak so we were sent home for the last 2 weeks of this semester in Gainesville, Georgia. But guess what!!! WONDERFUL NEWS!!! We found out that in January we launch to- drum roll please-…. ECUADOR!!! Could not be more excited at this opportunity- it’s going to be amazing!
While I’ve been processing this adjustment of being home, leaving campus, and saying goodbye to my friends early, I’ve been thinking about what I learnt while spending 3 months in Georgia. So buckle up because this blog is about to get real 🙂
In this season, the Lord walked me through a lot of what it means to trust and love Him. And while it’s hard to admit, for a solid while I was questioning all of Christianity and if God is really who everyone says He is. Almost all of me wanted to just give up on Him and Christianity as a whole. But I knew I couldn’t because I deep down, I still loved God and I was surrounded by the most amazing community that listened to me and loved me right where I was at in my walk with Him.
So what led me to feeling this way you may ask? Well at one point, I felt utterly abandoned by God. Why didn’t He listen to my cry out to Him when I needed Him most? Why was He showing up in everyone else’s lives but not mine? Why am I to worship and love a King that pays attention to some and not others? And while I still question Him at times, my faith is so much stronger. The biggest thing I learnt while away is that sometimes it’s necessary to deconstruct your faith and for it to be tested in order for it to grow and be stronger.
Near the end of October, I fasted for 3 days- honestly as my last resort to see if God was really there for me. And wow I learnt a lot in those 3 days. I felt His presence more with me there than I had in a long, long time. During this, I realized that I needed to build a new relationship with the Lord. One that was built off my own trust in God rather than just hearing about how great He is from everyone else. Like I wrote in my journal during that time, “Maybe in what I thought was Him leaving me, He opened a door for me to actually talk to Him and question and find out for myself what it means to follow God, instead of everyone telling me how. And while restoration doesn’t come overnight- I know He is a good God. Clearly there is still a lot of rebuilding in my faith in Him needed, but writing this gives me so much hope that I am slowly coming home to Him.” Allowing myself to actually express my anger at the Lord helped me rebuild it, believe it or not. Any form of relationship can’t be rosy all the time. Instead of just praying to Him for things I want or thanking Him (all still very important ;)) I was finally talking to Him. It was hard, it was different, but it was so good.
During my fast, the Lord gave me the passage Psalm 143. SO GOOD. I highly encourage everyone to read it but basically, David is crying out for the Lord to answer and not abandon him. But in the midst, he is trusting God and allowing His love to fill him. David lays down his distress at the feet of Jesus in an act to put his whole trust in the Lord and follow Him. This was such reassurance for me that even when I’ve almost given up hope in God, when I trust Him, He will always be there, guiding me and showing me His love.
So long story short, the Lord walked me through a lot of restoration throughout my time in Georgia. I still doubt, I still question- but like I said, restoration doesn’t come overnight. I can so gratefully say that each day I am making an effort and putting my trust in Him. I truly now want to rejoice in Him all the days of my life :)!
Thank you everyone for reading this straight out of my heart blog 🙂 Of course I have learnt so much more while being away but this was the biggest 😉 If you’d like to chat more about what my experience has been like, I’d love to connect! You can text or call me at 719-464-6672 or email me at [email protected]
And huge thanks to all who have supported me in this journey so far. This has been one of the hardest but also one of the sweetest seasons of my life. And I wouldn’t be here without all the support and prayers from all you. Now on to Ecuador!!
So much love to each and everyone one of you,
Camille
