I have spent the past two months at battle with myself. I have been impatient, short tempered, rude, and overall not acting like myself. After hearing a convicting sermon about self-care, I took the time to tend to my insides, to tend to the deep and hidden places within myself. To my dismay, I found a lack of desire to continue with my plans of going on the World Race.
When I applied for the World Race, I was needing perspective, escape, and community in my life. Having lost my mom before starting school, I was unsure of God’s presence and my purpose in my life. I needed to see how I fit into God’s puzzle and how He fit into mine. I needed escape from the life I was living in college; I saw college as such a superficial and selfish time. I was lacking a community of believers with whom I could be totally vulnerable and truly myself. I needed all those things and thought the World Race would be the place I would find them.
However, I found clarity, purpose, community, and so much more working at camp this summer. I no longer had a cynical viewpoint when it came to thinking about college. I met men and women of the Lord who were using their time in school to truly do good and serve the Kingdom of God. I no longer was convinced that time in school was nothing but selfish; there are real outlets to do good and advance the kingdom of God.
Realizing that my heart isn’t in the WR anymore wasn’t a conclusion I came to easily. I spent many weeks in denial, ignoring it, waiting for the excitement to come, but it never did. If I’m dedicating nine months of my life to something, I want to get excited about it. Thinking about WR honestly didn’t get me excited. What did get me excited was the possibility of serving my friends and family, getting involved in campus ministries, and leading small groups for middle or high schoolers. The World Race was exactly what I needed when I signed up for it and if this summer had looked differently, would be exactly what I need now. But because of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness this summer, it no longer seems to be where the Lord is calling me at this point in time.
The more I prayed, the more the Lord spoke to my future, and going on the WR was not in his words. The careful thought, counsel, and support from my friends, family, and mentors confirmed it all.
It’s strange to think I wont be leaving for the nine month trip around the world I had planned in my head, but I’m so excited for what the Lord is doing in my life right now and the path he is leading me down. Even though I don’t exactly know what his plan is, I trust him and know that it is far better than anything I could ever plan for myself.
Love always,
Camille
