You get what you put into the World Race.
I had asked to go deeper than I’ve ever been with God. I wanted to experiance Him on new levels of intimacy. I wanted Him to search the depths of my heart and replace my desires of the flesh with His desires. I asked for a transformation of my heart. I asked for a renewal of my mind. I ask… and I recieved.
God wrecked my heart. I’ve never felt so fragile.. My heart was broken and I was at a loss for words.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone… but I didn’t want to be alone.
I sat there in the silence of my heart.
I searched for the voice of the Lord and He was silent.
My emotions were amplified.
It felt like chaos in my head. Yet there was nothing to contemplate.
Smiles felt forced and any signs of true joy were just out of reach.
All I knew to do was lean completely on Jesus.
This had to be from the Lord… right?
There was a battle going on inside of me and I felt like my flesh was winning. I was robbed of everything I ever thought was me. I couldn’t find my identity anymore.
I cried out… ABBA…
Psalm 61
“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer,
From the ends of the earth I call to You,
I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe,
I long to dwell in Your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of Your wings..”
The Lord draws near to the brokenhearted!
Days went by as my heart felt like a dry desert… I longed for a flood of His love.
My prayers were being answered.
The Father was pulling me into His arms. I could feel the warming embrace around me.
He whispered His love to me… It kept getting louder. and Louder. and LOUDER!
He shouted His love for me! God opened up my heart and pour out His love!
God revealed Himself to me in ways I never experienced. As we drove over the mountains of Albania and watched the sun peak around every turn, God, told me of His love. He told me of things I never knew. He brought me a new identity.
I am a beloved son of God our Father.
I could feel His presence fill the deepest corners of my heart. He’s restoring me into something new. A new man… One who Fears the Lord. A man who walks with Jesus through the tough times. I will not run from the Lord. He is my refuge. He is my strong tower..
I feel Jesus… He’s putting together my brokenheart.
He’s sparking a new fire in my heart. One that was bigger than the last.
He’s consuming my mind.
Psalm 85
“Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other,
Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from Heaven,
The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest,
Righteousness goes before Him and prepares the way for His steps.”
I could feel the transformation in my heart! I could feel my mind being made new!
The doors of my heart were wide open… I invited the Lord in and He flooded my soul!
Love. Hope. Faithfulness. Desire. Truth. Wisdom. Understanding.
He replaced my old heart with His own heart!
Tears came out as God told me of His love for me..
I felt the foundation being reinforced with the promises of the Lord!
Never again would I be the same.. God broke my heart and threw it on the ground. He showed me my old tattered heart and said, “This is no longer you. I Am making you a new heart. A heart full of My Spirit. With love abounding, truth reverberating, hope rooted deep, compassion echoing, and My Spirit alive!”
I can’t explain how challenging this has been for me.. The Lord heard my cry for more and gave it to me. But first He had to remove the imperfections of my heart. He revealed my doubts. He showed me the desires of my flesh. Uprooted them and made me new.
The love of God isn’t always simple.. it was hard this time. It took perseverance.
I wouldn’t change a thing about it. God works in mysterious ways.. I could have gave up.. believe me it came to mind. I could have turned to sin. I could have looked to be filled up with things of this world.. Im glad I looked for Jesus during it all.
I want to say thank you to my team. Their devotion to the Lord is encouraging. They love like Christ loves and they showered me with compassion. This time of my life hasn’t been something I could hide. It was obvious my heart was disrupted. Im still learning more about what God has been doing inside of me. I will continue to search the depth of my heart. There will always be something God wants me to work on. I now know how sweet it is in the end.
I trust the Lord in everything He does! He will lead my steps and I will walk with faith.
He loves me.
and I love Him.
Pray without seizing. Let Jesus transform your life.. and trust in the process.
