I'm sitting at a coffee shop in Nairobi with my team for our last meal before we head to an orphanage in Busia tomorow morning at 8.
There is a lot on my mind after the conversation with some V Squad members and Robby last night, they have come for their 8 month debrief to the same place we are staying.
Robby and I were talking about acceptance and it came to light that I look for my acceptance from people, especially "romantic" relationships. As we were talking it hit me how true it is, and how I need to relook at my relationships and intentions with them. I need to make room for the Lord and His everlasting acceptance. I'm more scared than I've ever been, but I think I've always known this needs to happen. I dont understand what true acceptance looks like, its going to be faith and obedience.
I hate most thinking about the people this may hurt. Its been heavy on my mind ever since last night, and today i read in Isaiah 57:8
"Also behind the doors and their posts
You have set up your remembrance;
For you have uncovered
yourself to those other than Me.
And have gone up to them;
You have enlarged your bed
And made a covenant with them;
You have loved their bed,
Where you saw their nudity"
that hit hard, then i kept reading thinking about the people who i attached myself to
Isaiah 57:17-18
"For the iniquity of his covetousness
I was angry and struck him;
I hid and was angry.
And he went on backsliding in the way of his heart.
18I have seen his ways, and will heal him;
I will also lead him,
And restore comforts to him and his mourners."
The first part showed me the seriousness what I've been doing, and that its really been a cycle, and the second part gave me the ability to trust the lord that He will comfort those whom I have hurt, It's hard to see things in the light, seeing what it is that I'm doing, with no justification.
But there is not other way, I need to remove the things i have put in place of the Lord. I need this, the people i have affected need this too. (big sigh) time to man up and face growth.
Month 1
