It’s like any other night on a youth retreat. Everyone has just come upstairs to the common room for the night session. The room is buzzing with people talking, snacks flying, girls fixing their hair, and boys well… being boys. You look around and think as a rising junior in high school clearly you have it all together and wonder how did this group of people of all ages some how formed this undeniable bond? Everyone’s cheeks are sun-kissed or their noses are so sunburnt they look like Rudolph. Clearly, the white water adventure was epic because among the sun-kissed and sunburnt faces, eyes have started to drupe. Somewhere amongst the crowd a youngster who has way too much energy is trying to make everyone laugh and is juuuuust about to drive everyone nuts- how they still have energy no one knows. You’ve just finished watching people spit crackers at each other because they have to eat a cracker, blow out a candle, and whistle at the same time, then you move right into singing Chris Tomlin or some other popular Christian song, and then of course there’s always some kind of message.
This message. This time. Was different. You see, our youth pastor Chad had his really good friend Matt come to our retreat to speak. Pastor Matt (aka P-Matty) had spoken at one of our retreats before and he’s awesome. I mean if your friends with Chad then you have to be awesome but Matt was super down to earth, really funny, and had a way of presenting the gospel that made it so real. But this night you see, Matt didn’t come with a message for a laugh he came with a message for my soul.
(Side note) We went on this Whitewater Rafting retreat in TN, which so happened to be close to where P-Matty and his family lived. So, he and his awesome family came down and joined us on some of our adventures. We got to hang out with P-Matty, his wife Keri, their two daughters, their son Matthew, and their other son William who at that time was probably about 3 (Idk I could be wrong with the age just go with it). I don’t know about you but if you’ve ever been around a 3 year old there is something about them that makes EVERYONE and their mom want that 3 year old’s attention. I mean picking him up, running around, playing peek-a-boo, you name it- whatever you can do to steal away their sweet smile and little laugh. And if you know me, then you know I was definitely trying to steal away one of Williams sweet smiles.
(Back to Matt’s message) So that night, Matt starts off his message with a story and not just any story but a story of a boy- a boy who was found on the side of the road. And not just a boy on the side of the road but a baby boy who was just thrown away in a ditch to be found by who knows… God knew. That sweet boy was William. Matt and Keri had adopted William from Ethiopia when he was a baby and oh what a beautiful story he has. It has God written all over it! Well, Matt tells this story of William and I’m sure he had an incredible message that went along with it but the only thing I could think about was William and how so many children have a story just like his (sorry Matt).
Well, when Matt finished Chad said he felt like we should take some time to pray and just be with God. So, I found my way under a table to look out a window (weird I know but hey when your small you can do those kind of things). As I was looking out this window I started tearing up thinking about William and how beautiful his story is. As tearing up quickly became tears it eventually became like Niagara Falls flowing from my eyes. I began sobbing. You know when it rains sometimes it pours? Well, that was like my tears. It wasn’t a painful I’m sad kind of cry it was more like a peaceful weight lifted off my shoulder kind of cry. And over and over I kept praying “yes Lord, I know Lord, yes Lord, I know Lord.” After I’m really not sure how long my youth pastor, Chad, came and put his hand on my shoulder and as I looked up at him with my tear stained face he whispered, “I know.” Well of course that just sent me back into the well of tears. Eventually as the tears subsided and I felt at peace. I got up from my spot and went to find Chad to ask him what in the world he meant by “I know.” I found Chad talking to P-Matty and I flat out asked him, “What did you mean by “I know”, what do you know?” Thinking he had some dirt on me or that he knew something far more than I could imagine. His simple reply was, “I know you just accepted your call into the ministry.” Shortly after, P-Matty smiled and said, “He doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called.” Slightly shocked, confused, and dumbfounded at these two statements I just stared at them wide eyed trying to take it all in. To be honest, I didn’t know what to think and I didn’t know what to do with that so I tucked it away for another time.
I’ve been involved with a lot of “ministry” things in my 23 years of age: I always spent a majority of my time at church, I was a mission leader for my youth group, I had been on numerous mission trips, in high school I was a Wyld life leader for middle school friends, in college I was a YoungLife leader for high school friends, and probably what most people would consider the biggest of them all I just got back from an 11 month mission trip called the World Race. And for the longest time I use to think “hey that’s what all of that meant, the day I accepted my life for ministry.” You know, have a good job with a purpose and do some ministry things on the side- like I had been doing. To me that’s what it was suppose to be- I mean it made sense right?
It was only after the World Race and starting a job that lead down an incredible career path did I realize how wrong I was. See, I was suppose to get back, go to grad school, get my MBA, work for Clemson, then go on and work at a large non-profit or even start my own non-profit and of course do some missions and ministry things on the side. I mean come on this makes sense! It’s stable, I can see myself doing it, it looks good, and I’m still doing things for God, right? Wrong. Not for me-that is. It wasn’t what God meant so many years ago when I had accepted my life to do ministry for him. It’s not to do ministry on the side and it’s not to go on just a one-year life changing mission trip. No. My whole life is to be ministry. At least that’s what I’m now figuring out. When I got home from the Race and I started working at my job that lead to a great path- you know the one that made sense. I was so uncomfortable. I felt unsettled. I felt uneasy. I felt panicked that I wasn’t doing God’s will. I felt frustrated. I confused. I just uhhh I felt so weird. (Granted some of this had to do with re-entry but a lot of it had to do with what God did some years ago.) I finally, after months of frustration felt God nudge me back to where it all began. In a little room under a wooden table looking out a window with tears streaming down my face. I realized… I was missing my call.
I’m called to ministry. For that I am certain. That is where I come alive, that is where I feel free just to be everything God has created me to be, that is when I feel closest to Him. I don’t have anything specific at this point in time. But I do have a list of things I’d like to do, like: bring healing and spiritual life back to the American church because somewhere along the way the gospel has been watered down and lost, speak at a women’s conference-Beth Moore style, live in a house in a rough area and be Christ there- like South Africa but in the States, do a lot more international missions and lead a few, mentor and love many, be a mom to many, be a youth pastor, start a soup kitchen, and this is a recent idea to form a committee that empowers the church to take action for the homeless and have homeless stay at the church for a week or so and have the church take care of all of their physical/spiritual needs and have people in the church there to counsel and help them find jobs. Soooooo many possibilities and I am so thankful that God is fun, he loves us so well and he wants our lives to be to the full. Life with him doesn’t have to be boring or monotonous and ultimately that we don’t have to have it all figured out because He does.
What does that mean for me for right now? I’m currently looking at seminaries- to start in the fall and I want to get my Masters in Divinity with an emphasis in Spiritual Formation and Discipleship. After many confirmations I feel certain this is where God is leading me and I cannot wait for what he has in store.
For me, my calling is ministry full time. For you, it could be being the light to the workplace that you are in, or called to serve on a board of a non-profit, or called to your family, or called over seas, or called to your neighbors, God has a calling on our lives and if you let him guide you he will direct your footsteps. Where do you feel unsettled? What is He calling you to, today?
With all my love-
Cam
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