Can I be honest with you? I have a really hard time fully trusting God. I always want to have my say or put my spin on every situation. It’s hard for me to believe He has my best interest at heart. I feel like He is always trying to teach me something, trying to grow me in something, always pushing me. In my head I feel as though if I have expectations or plans I will surely be disappointed. I still don’t trust. There are many things I struggle with trusting but the biggest thing I don’t trust is that He has a man out there for me. Or trusting that I am worthy of a man who is devoutly seeking to be like Christ daily. I don’t trust that the man I may marry will be like my dad (which is a lot to live up to). And I really don’t trust that if there is a man, that he will love me as much as I love him. I know, I know you are thinking “Uh Cameron this is all a lie”. Yes, I know it’s a lie and yes I can tell you there are so many scriptures about how He wants nothing but to bless me and if we as humans think we give good gifts how much better are the gifts of our heavenly Father. But I’m just being open and vulnerable with you. I’m speaking this out and telling all so that this can be brought to light and I can no longer allow this to keep hindering me to feel the complete love of my father and my groom.
And you know what? This scares me. It scares me that there may not be a man out there for me. It scares me that I may not end up having a big family like my heart desires. But you know what scares me the most? It scares me the most that I don’t trust that God my Father has my life in the palm of His hands and He wants nothing more than to bless me and use me to bless others. I can formulate all the stories I want to in my head, write down all the characteristics of my “perfect guy”, day dream of the house I’d love to live in and think about all the fun things I want to do with my kids but it all means nothing. It’s nothing compared to what God has already placed before me. It all means nothing until I recognize God as my Heavenly Father AND my perfect groom.
So here’s to me stopping. Stopping my mind from wandering and trying to formulate my own fate. Stopping myself from thinking about the future and starting to live in every moment. Stopping myself from having expectations of what God will do and instead having expectations of who God is. Stopping in every moment to see how God is blessing me. And mostly stopping myself from doubting that God wants to love me immensely more than any earthly man could.
As Valentines Day rolls around I urge you sisters to not get caught up in commercial goods, what your boyfriend did or didn’t do or even the fact you might not have a boyfriend but instead focus on your heavenly groom. Because He wants to dance with you, romance you, and love you more than you can imagine. God the ultimate romancer the God who created you wants you to feel more precious than jewels, more beautiful than sunsets, and more loved than you ever could imagine. So, let Him. Let Him love you, let Him romance you, it’s going to be more than you ever could imagine. I mean let’s think about it, who else knows how to love you better?
With all my love- Cam
