Can I just say this? Sometimes I think it is too dang hard to be a Christian. From what I know of the Lord, Jesus brings freedom. But somehow, Christianity, nay, religion, becomes slavery. And I just want to be free.
I could probably end this blog right here without explanation, because I know countless people have either turned away from the church because they feel stifled, or they refuse to even give Christianity a chance because they perceive it as just another religion, with rules and lists of things you cannot do.
I have lived both ends of the Christian walk – I have lived with strict observance to every literal tenet of the Bible and of the Church; and I have lived my life under the blanket of license and done whatever pleased me at the time, regardless of what the Bible might say in the matter.
Now I find myself somewhere in the middle.
I think I jumped pretty quickly from living my life as the world sees fit, to being a missionary around the world. A missionary?! I am supposed to be an example of the Christian walk?!
So my mind begins to question: how much of how we live and operate today is a result of how Jesus taught us to live, and how much has been created by man over the years? How much of the way I and my team operate is out of habit or because we are “supposed to”, and how much is because we are living as disciples of Jesus? I have lived recent years with a strong distaste for the Church and for the status quo Christian life. And first, I must ask the Lord for forgiveness – for being critical of His Bride, the Church and for becoming judgmental of “typical Christians”.
But as a missionary (I still have a hard time believing that is what I am), I think I am expected to live and act a certain way. That I am supposed to be good and holy and a “good Christian” (though I learned long ago that there is no such thing). But can I just say this? There I things I want to do that a “good Christian” just shouldn’t do. I don’t want regular prayer times as a team. It seems forced. I don’t want to have to pray before every meal or have Bible study every day or listen only to Christian music or to follow every rule to the letter.
Because that’s not freedom to me. Yes, there are very good reasons to do all those things. I’m not dismissing any of them. And yet these are examples of deeds that we, as Christians, do every day that are not commanded of us, and yet we have absorbed them into part of our Christian culture. We feel that we must do them, perhaps because we believe we will gain favor in the eyes of the Lord, or perhaps because of internal peer pressure.
I write this because there is freedom in Christ. That to do anything good is a gift from the Lord, but that the Lord looks at the heart and does not care for rote prayers or robotic disciples. So as I continue in my ministry, and as you continue in yours, I challenge you to question your motives before you bless your food or go to Bible study or participate in a fast. I want to have fun! Not crazy, sinful fun (because in reality, that’s just more enslavement). Just fun. Because God is a fun God and He desires our hearts to be filled with joy and love and more of Him.
No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man’s praise is not from men, but from God.
Romans 2:29
You and you and nothing but you
“Mahvelous” novelist, you!
Isn’t he wonderful, just twenty-eight
The savior of writing
You and you and nothing but you
Miles and piles of you
Pushing through windows and bursting through walls
En route to the sky
And I…
(DISCLAIMER: there’s so much more to this than I could write now. I do not intend to offend or spark debate. just sharing my frustrations. thanks for reading. and, as always, your comments and input are greatly appreciated!)
