I expected my heart to get broken in Thailand.
I just never knew how hard it would be…and yet how amazing at the same time…
…to befriend prostitutes and johns – the very “least of these” whom Jesus loves the most
…to meet women who come from the direst of family situations, working at jobs they hate to send money home to their families, but unable to share the details of where the money comes from because of their shame
…to see one of my girls at the bar leave her job to find dignified work at a restaurant
…to pray BIG prayers and be disappointed by not seeing the fruit of those prayers
…to pray BIG prayers and see God answer in some of the most remarkable ways
…to get my hopes up about a coffee date, an invitation to the lake, or a promise of coming to church with one of my bar girls – only to be stood up or cancelled on every. single. time.
…to be in the middle of a great conversation with one of my girls, only to see her get up mid-sentence to go flirt with a new customer, hoping his business that night would pay the rent
…to see old men fondle young teenage girls, and see the hopeless look in their eyes that displays their resignation to this fate
…to see the hurt in a child’s eyes as she struggles to sell flowers until 2AM to avoid a parental beating
…to see the joy in a child’s eyes as I buy her a treat and we sit together eating on the sidewalk
…to be mutually encouraged and loved on by other missionaries and the staff of the coffeeshop
…to feel like I’m finally getting to know new friends and gain their trust, only to leave the country uncertain of what the future holds for them and if I will ever get to see them again
…to be hit upside the head with great Truths from the “pulpit” of the Shangri-La Hotel
…to be hit upside the head with great Truths from the voice of the Lord in the quiet of my hostel porch
Thailand was a roller-coaster on my heart. Some days it took everything in me to not take out my frustrations by punching the wall of my hostel. Some days I could not contain my joy. Some days I had no words other than tears. And I love Chiang Mai for all the ways I saw God there. I asked the Lord so many times if Thailand was where He woud call me to begin my ministry – to get to continue the work He started this month, because logically Chiang Mai makes so much sense. But in true World Race fashion, God appointed these 30ish days for me in this one city, and He knew from the beginning those would be the only days and I’d have to trust Him for the rest, even though He is not calling me there for the rest of my life. Where I am called is another blog, for another day.
I expected my heart to be broken, and it was…
but the Lord has a funny way of breaking and mending all at the same time…
