“I wish I was at home in my nice hole by the fire, with the kettle just beginning to sing!” It was not the last time he wished that!
“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!”
“You aren’t nearly through this adventure yet”
The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien
I am lying in my tent listening to Taylor Swift’s 1989 album (#swiftieforlife) and all of a sudden the all too familiar burning trash smell hits me and I quickly realize that I am going to vomit. I scramble out of my tent and fumble through the pitch-black church to find the door which I somehow manage to get unlatched in time to lose my dinner in the dirt. I go back inside and find my water bottle and then I sit outside on the steps of the church, not wanting to go back into the stifling hot building and yet also knowing I can’t sit outside all night. I make myself go back inside, put in my headphones, and try to fall asleep.
We are walking through the village with a mission to find some cold drinks. There’s nothing quite like a cold drink when the sun is hot and blazing down on you. We’ve been living at the church for almost a month now and the villagers are used to us, so as we walk, we are repeatedly invited into homes. We enter one home and the scene reminds me of something from back home: a group of rowdy young boys all sitting around a table sharing food. I can’t look at these smiling boys, with rice smeared all over their faces, grease dripping from their fingers and not think to a similar thing I’ve seen with my brothers at home. After leaving this comical encounter, we are invited to another home, just next door. As we are walking in I meet eyes with my little Jane and she instantly comes running. I open my arms and she jumps into them. A perfect moment.
To find the words to properly articulate the juxtaposition between the misery and joy I experienced during February in Cambodia has been hard and the main reason for my long lapse in posting. The aforementioned moments are the best I can do. I think back to our first full day in Cambodia when Beth, Mercy, and I took a run along the dusty dirt roads and stopped briefly to watch a breathtaking sunset: in that moment, I couldn’t have been more excited for the month ahead. By the end of the month, I had been sick for 3 weeks and was getting through most days without eating more than a few pieces of bread and fruit. However, each afternoon, I mustered all my energy, which wasn’t much, to play with the kids during English class. I am thankful for a girl named No, who clung to me wherever I went and for the boys who had contagious smiles. I treasure the moments of joy that God provided everyday amidst the struggle.
Month 2 was not a fun month for me. It was a month with more days of wanting to go home than wanting to be where I was. However, as I look back on the month, I see God at work. I see the start of a friendship while I am comforted and prayed for as I cry on the porch because I just can’t believe I threw up again. I see the faces of so many beautiful girls who just want to be loved. I see a beautiful land full of God’s goodness. I can’t say I am upset that Cambodia is behind me, but I can’t say I would trade it either. That’s how life works though, isn’t it? We just live day-by-day and come what may, I continue to trust that I will see God at work and even on those days when I don’t see it, I trust in knowing He is.
