Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth. Hosea 6:3
I am just days away from returning to the States after 10 months abroad. The journey isn’t over, as we still have a month of service at home, but there is something monumental about landing back on American soil. It’s makes me anxious and excited all at the same time.
I sit here this morning, sipping coffee, praising God for some cooler weather, and reflecting on the month and the year. The fact that I am drinking coffee with just a splash of milk is evidence enough of all the growth from this year.
What a month it has been in Belize.
Before I left for the Race I met a Racer who had just come off the field and she told me that my squad would become my family. When she told me this, I must admit, I had my doubts. In month three, I looked back on what she had said and I actually thought she was crazy. In month ten, I finally understand. These people are my family. They are my brothers, my sisters, my best friends. From baking cakes “just because” to playing football in the front yard, doing life with this family in Belize was simply the best.
Don’t be fooled though, this month wasn’t all fun and games. Just when you think you have a lesson figured out is usually when it slaps you in the face again. Well, at least that’s how it is for me. Never underestimate God’s power to teach you a lesson over and over and over again. If you read my last blog you know that I was working on releasing things to God. It’s something I’ve been working on most of this Race. I kind of like to be in control. So Type A of me, I know. I felt like I made some really good progress in this area the past month or so. Fast forward to our last week of ministry and the real tests come. I go into my room at the end of the day to find my computer completely dead. None of my attempts to revive it are successful. So I now have a nice rock to lug back to America in my pack. Awesome. Two days later, the debrief that Aly and I spent the month planning, comes crumbling to pieces. We are suddenly scrambling to find an alternate plan just days before debrief is due to start. Can this actually be happening?! Work down the drain. Money down the drain. Plans down the drain. I wake up the morning after we find out our plans have crumbled and I read this in Jesus Calling:
“Intellectually, you rejoice in My sovereignty, without which the world would be a terrifying place. But when My sovereign will encroaches on your little domain of control, you often react with telltale resentment. The best response to losses or thwarted hopes is praise: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Remember that all good things—your possessions, your family and friends, your health and abilities, your time—are gifts from Me.”
Did the pages change for me? I give it to Aly to read and she gives a laugh. It is a little too on point for us this morning.
I’m so frustrated with the situation, but I have no right to be. I’m frustrated that I feel like I got us into the situation we are in at present and I’m frustrated I don’t see a way out that I like. I’m scared that these people I call family will be mad at me for not doing a good enough job and that makes me frustrated with people in general. As I wrote in am email to a friend, “I think God is up there laughing at me and thinking, how can I push all of Callie’s buttons right before she goes home?” This same friend once told me that I need to always remember to give myself grace. This is one of the hardest things for me to do. What I was reminded of this week though, is if the God of the universe can give me His unending grace, should I not also be able to give myself grace?
So now I find myself sitting in the same spot I’ve sat all month. I’m sitting in the spot where I’ve prayed, read my Bible, journaled, laughed, and sometimes wanted to cry. I’m praising God for his perfect plan, this wonderful family, and for never ceasing to teach me new things, or the same things in new ways.
Belize, you’ve been so good to me, even on the worst days. America, see you soon!
