Hello all,
I meditated tonight. Intentionally allowing God to just speak to me. And for the first time I comprehended what it meant to do that.
Side note, I would be lying if I said this was going easy so far. It has been the hardest, actually. But in ways that I was not expecting. I expected it to be hard because of the elevation, the weather, the food, the culture, the language barrier. The typical “hard” things that come with international missions. And even the thing I usually struggle with the most, of which most of you know is leaving my mom. However, I like to think that her and I have “mastered” being away from each other, as much as we can, when God is calling me anywhere but near her. We started saying “mom sick” rather than “home sick”.
But, I never thought I was going to be struggling because I just want to be with my dad.
For a few years now, I have been praying for my dad. Praying that he gets to know God in an intimate way. That he allows God to take away all his pain. That he learns to rest in God. And that he is filled with pure joy because of how deeply he is loved by the most perfect Father. I desire so much, for my earthly father to become best friends with my Heavenly Father.
At launch, my dad kissed me on the head, and in that moment it made me have a desire to just be stay with my dad. I did not want him to leave me in Georgia. I did not want to launch out and leave my dad for 12 months. I did not tell him or my mom how I was feeling, because I knew he (and my mom) would gladly help me put my backpack back in the car.
So, I left. – I said yes to God, and that meant leaving my dad and obeying what God asked me to do. But MAN, I am “Dad Sick”! My mindset was not the greatest the first few days here in South Africa. I felt that anything that I was doing here, I could be doing at home, with my dad (which is so not true).
But I mediated. I laid on the cold, hard ground and was nothing but still. I asked God to clear my heart and mind of any of my own thoughts and to fill all me with exactly what he needed to speak to me in that moment.
I was laying there, trying so hard not to think of how silly this was. But my dad told me, before he left, that the one thing I needed to focus on this year was selflessness. So I stopped allowing myself to think about how I would much rather have been laying in my bed in that moment than the cement floor and was hungry for what God wanted to speak to me.
GUYS IF YOU HAVEN’T SAT STILL AND ALLOWED GOD TO SPEAK TO YOU, YOU NEED TO.
He gave me this vision, my first vision, at that. It was so pure and beautiful. I saw my dad. He was just belly laughing. Filled with joy. Man, he deserves to just laugh so hard his abs hurt. I felt so much relief in that moment. My dad is being taken care of, even though I am in South Africa. The creator of my dad, the one who knows him inside and out, is holding my dad in his hands.
I can’t wait to see my dad again. It’s only week two and I have what seems like a ton of months left but I am thankful that my Heavenly Father is taking care of my earthy father. This has been so encouraging to me and exactly what I needed to hear. God is beautiful in that way. He will give us what we need, exactly when we need it.
I wrote “selflessness” on my hand (sorry dad) to remind me throughout the day of who I desire to be.
Thank you for taking the time to read this raw moment (and week) that I had with God. I often hear “the race is what you make it” and I am going to give my all this year, and all the years to come. I am falling in love with God more and more each day. This time, of getting to intimately know Him, while doing what He has called me to do has already been the most life changing experience. I am so happy that I get to grow and share with you all as well.
In His Hands,
Calla Rae
I love you, dad. Tons and tons.
