When I applied for the World Race a month ago, I applied because I whole-heartedly believed that it was where God was leading me next. It took weeks of prayer, counsel, and self-reflection to discern that going on the World Race was indeed from the Lord. At first I was ecstatic.
When I returned home from my three-month mission trip in Central America this past spring, I was so relieved to be back in America where I had a safe home, warm showers, food other than beans and rice, and where I didn’t have to be on the look out for large bugs and other creepy crawlers every moment of every day and night. But the more I physically settled back into my life here, the more spiritually and emotionally unsettled I became. I was quickly swept away by society, working 9-5, going back to college, buying things I didn’t need just because I had money, squeezing in more social life-time than time with God, I was sprinting through every day. Where am I going? I finally stopped one day. What am I doing? There’s more to life than a 9-5 job. I am called to more than a 9-5 life. I am called to GO to the nations, for the sake of the gospel, for the glory of God.
As Disciples of Christ we are called to be world changers not world chasers. That means we have to live differently. Sometimes that means quitting the 9-5 thing, giving up the college degree, and the white picket fence. It means going into the world.
I applied for the Race, overwhelmed with excitement. All the joys I experienced during my months in Central America were on replay in my mind, I went through my pictures and felt my heart skip beats as I clicked through the precious faces of the children I loved for Jesus. I reflected on the person I have become from the time I left for that trip to the person I am now, and just how much God grew me in those months and how much more he will grow and teach me in this next year. I desire to grow in my faith so I that can live in a such a way that when people look at me, all they think is “Wow she really loves Jesus.”
It’s been about a month since applying and being accepted; that means it’s been about a month since fundraising began. The biggest thing I heard from people when they learned what I was doing was “fundraising will be faith building”…They weren’t kidding. I knew they were right. I would not have applied if I didn’t believe it was God-directed, because there is no way I could raise the amount of money needed to go by myself, even if I wanted too. I have to trust that this is where God wants me so He will provide. But that thought has not made this last month easier. Fundraising is hard. It’s time consuming, it’s emotionally exhausting, it’s humbling.Lately the fundraising has been draining me quite a bit. I started to forget why I was going through all the stress; I started to forget the joys of my last experience on the mission field. All I could remember were the struggles and challenges I encountered. ‘Why am I raising thousands of dollars to go through those things again’, I could help but think to myself. All these doubts slowly crept into my head. The only thing I could do was pray. Thankfully God washed away my doubts, and He replaced them with peace. So why am I raising thousands of dollars to go through a year of challenges? BECAUSE, those challenges changed me (for the better) but more importantly ::: to show more Jesus-like love, to serve like Jesus, and to bring the reviving truth to the nations, all to the glory of God. My faith is tested everyday, my dependence on the Lord is growing everyday, and my strength to fight the doubts and lies of the enemy is renewed everyday. God is good. He is so good.
Yes I feel discouraged some days. Yes some days I stare at the numbers and don’t see them going up. Yes sometimes the enemy gets to me and I doubt what I am doing. Yes some days are really really hard, some days I wanna cry. But those are the days that bring me even closer to the Lord. Because I know He is still my God. He is still in control and He is still good. He is my comforter and He is my counselor.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.
Psalm 28:7
I spent the weekend working an event for my family business. I brought along four of the shirts I’m selling to fundraise. I prayed Thursday morning, asking for God to soften the hearts of four people to support me by buying my shirts that day. I didn’t sell one. I felt discouraged once again. I didn’t feel like it was a crazy request to God. I would see hundreds of people that day; to sell four shirts was hardly asking anything of Him. The event lasted four days; by day four I sold 12 shirts. So yeah GOD IS GOOD. He does hear our prayers, and He does answer them. When we are living according to the will of the Lord then we have nothing to worry about.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:4-5
God reminded me of a lot of things this weekend. We should pray with expectant hearts, but we shouldn’t set expectations for God. There is a difference there and it’s important to realize that. I prayed asking to sell four shirts this weekend and I expected God to do just that, allow me to sell four shirts. But He exceeds and surpasses any expectations we set for him. I wanted to sell four, He moved in the hearts of not 4 people but 12. Selling the 12 shirts wasn’t even the best part; God spoke to me through all of those people. They each had encouragement to share with me, I felt the love of Jesus from people I didn’t even know, and that’s pretty neat.
My journey on the World Race has already begun through fundraising. And well it’s challenging, I am glad it’s something I have to do. Because it’s through the hard days and the happy days that my faith is strengthened and it’s where God’s setting my soul on fire to fight the good fight.
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12
