Well this month has been filled with so many exciting things. It’s now the last day of ministry and let’s just say this month didn’t look anything like I thought it would. I thought I was going to spend most of my time talking to college students and gamers, but I didn’t. The college was in summer break and the gamers mostly meet during the evening when I was with the squad. My focus shifted from college students and gamers to just trying to talk with people at coffee shops. Again, while I tried to be obedient to the Lord, I again didn’t have any meaningful conversations. In fact, I didn’t have any conversations with anyone outside of my squad—no one. My squad mates would come back with awesome stories from their day, and I would have nothing. I felt like I failed at ministry this month.
At the beginning of the month I felt like God was calling me to ‘go’ to a new place each day and attempt to talk. Each morning I attempted to listen to where the Lord was calling me to go; most of the time is was a coffee shop. So I would head to the coffee shop, order coffee and wait. Somedays I went with a teammate and talked with them, other days I would read a book or put up a sign that said, “Have a story to share, I am here to listen.” Day after day I would leave the coffee shop with no meaningful conversations. I was being obedient and ‘going’ like the Lord told me, but nothing meaningful was coming from it.
My ministry vision for the month fell through, my coffee shop plans came up short, I even failed to reach my goal of having a one-on-one chat with everyone on the squad. So what did I do? There for a while I would go to a coffee shop and then come back and work on my InterVarsity application. I worked on my application every afternoon for a week and the whole time I was beating myself up. I told myself that working on my application wasn’t ministry, that I couldn’t talk to anyone, I don’t have any ministry pictures from the month, I couldn’t even keep my own goal—I FAILED.
I may have failed according to my own expectations and standards, but did I fail according to God’? Was I obedient in doing everything He had for me? What did I learn from this month?
I learned a lot about obedience and comparison this month. It was so hard not to compare myself with my squad mates. I am reminded of the ‘Parable of the Talents’ in Matthew 25. The master in the parable gives one of his servants 5 talents and another 2 and another 1. The master expects each servant to use his talent wisely, but the servant who has 2 isn’t going to make as much as the servant who has 5. I found myself this month comparing myself to everyone around me, look at how much they are doing. Why can’t I do that? And then when it doesn’t happen I am disappointed in myself because I could do as much as they could. I learned that I need to be obedient with what the Lord has given me, even if it is a smaller amount. So was I obedient with what the Lord had given me? Yes, I was. I listened and went. I tried to engage even when no one else would. I succeeded.
This month taught be to be obedient to the Lord in the little things, even if nothing meaningful comes from them. I learned that I need to be reliant upon the Lord to determine if I succeed or if I fail. It isn’t easy to be obedient in the little things, but if you are obedient with a little, the Lord with give you more.
“Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things;
I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!”
—Matthew 25:21
