Ever since I was little, I've wanted to write. I loved books and I knew that a goal of mine was to become a published author. I'd write short stories, poems, songs, whatever. Some were pretty good. Others were more in the group that, in struggling to find something nice to say, you might tell me that "the font looks really great on that paper."
I can think of several different times in life where I wanted to develop that skill.
My junior and senior years of high school, I was pretty obsessed with the band The Hush Sound, and every song I wrote reflected that. Prior to that, I started at least two novels.
In college, I wrote several short stories and poems. I go back and read them now and I know that they are really good. They are well written, captivating. I recognize that my gift has been developed, but as I read them, I'm totally turned off by them because they feel so empty. As I read my poetry, I'm brought back to a point in my life that I now recognize as the hackneyed "silence before the storm." It was a point when I was plugged into a church, a campus ministry, and Christian community, but it was hollow. I felt something that now feels totally foreign to me. It was nauseatingly real though.
What made those pieces so poignant was that they were true. Even though they were fictional, they represented something real. They came from deep inside my soul and represented a real longing for authenticity and meaning. I didn't want to just believe because I was told. Spoon-fed world views were no longer good enough.
So I'm proud of college-junior-me for writing what was true to myself and my life experiences. (If you want to read a sampling, email me and I'll gladly share them.)
I'm realizing something though.
I'm SO different than I was back then! What was "true to myself" back then is no longer true to myself. As God has revealed Himself, I have begun this journey of "More of You, less of me." And everything is different. I long to be true to Christ in me.
I still like The Hush Sound, but I'm not obsessed anymore. I still like fictional literature and film, but I come alive at the chance to hear a true story. The novel is no longer my favorite kind of book. I enjoy a good classic, but I LOVE a good memoir. There is just something that feels so good about reading the story of a real person who faced real fears, challenges, emotions, and conquered. I love it. I LOVE testimonies. I like theology, but I love testimonies.
Here's where I get real: last March, I felt the Lord begin to call me to write a memoir. I've seen some crazy stuff, and He's taught me a lot along the way. I thought that'd be silly or presumptuous. "What qualifies me to feel that I've arrived? Why would anyone read what I have to say?" Well God didn't tell me to publish this memoir; He told me to write it. And then He reminded me that it was my job to bless Him with my gifts. It was His job to use my gifts to bless others.
He reminded me of that call yesterday. I still wasn't sold on the idea, but then three people today mentioned how much this blog had been ministering to them, where they are.
So Lord…Here goes nothin'. I'll do it. I'll start. I'll obey.
And you, my faithful friends, may get a snippet of it every now and then. Or maybe not. But I'll be writing this too, so we'll see. 🙂
What is it that God has called you to do that you find difficult, daunting or silly? What gift has He given you that you've laid aside in pursuit of more worthy uses of your time and effort? We never know what God can do with simple acts of obedience. And as we show ourselves faithful in the small ways, He can entrust us with bigger ones! Believe His promises! He's good and He wants good for you!!
PS: Keep encouraging me! You may think that it goes without saying, or that you wouldn't have anything important to tell me, but your comments really mean the world to me and give me a fresh burst of willpower to post faithfully.
