Hi friends!
A lot of my blogs are written once they can be nicely packaged and with a situation, problem, resolution, and lesson. God teaches me something and once I have a handle on it, I write. Generally, I think it's a good system, but it can keep me from needing to be vulnerable, so this time it will be different. I think I am stepping into the unknown for the first time in a long time. So I want to write an update, but more than that I want to share some of the intimate things God is speaking to me, so that you can intercede for the breakthrough I feel is coming soon.
I made it to Mozambique and am currently at the Iris Ministries base in Lichinga. I planned on staying only one night, but due to some unforeseen immigration issues in the group, I am here for almost a week before going to Pemba. Initially, I was disappointed because I was so focused on getting where I felt I needed to go, that I was missing the beauty of where He had me; but The Lord has really made it clear that this is where I am supposed to be and He is blessing me so much.
I got here and found out that I get my own room. That has been a huge blessing in itself. I realized that I haven't had a private place to retreat to since the race started (aside from my tent in Moldova). It has become strange to not have a bunch of other people around me 24/7. I am so thankful though, and have slept so well here.
When we got here Saturday afternoon, we threw my stuff down in my room and took the jeep down the road to where the girls are staying. The guys have our own house about a 10 minutes' walk from the rest of the base. After catching up on our ridiculous travel adventures � my solo ride all the way around Lake Malawi and their fishing boat across it (to a border crossing that didn't stamp passports, making them illegal visitors, even though they were assured that it was fine; it's not fine, it's a fiasco.) � we sat down to have a time of worship. Being here on the base, it is clear that this is a place that values Worship. As soon as we began to sing, I felt burdens begin to fall off, and freedom came in worship that I haven't felt in months. I could hear Papa's voice so clearly. He began to speak to me and specifically emphasized two words to me: Glory and Presence. I felt Him telling me that He would be giving me new revelations of those words this week.
Sunday morning, we went to the church that Iris has planted in one of the nearby villages. I got to church with so much joy and anticipation, and as soon as worship started, I got hit with a wave of something, well, funky. I felt like I was in a funk. It was really frustrating. I asked Lauren to pray for me. I thought maybe some spirit that was over that village was trying to keep me from engaging with The Lord in worship. As she prayed, Daddy gave her a word for me. She felt that Holy Spirit is doing a stirring in your heart and mind. He is stirring up something new in you, and it isn't ready yet. You will be uncomfortable for a moment but there will be a lasting impact. It is okay not to feel yourself, because He is doing something different, and what feels normal is changing. He is growing in you a holy anticipation, but you can't do anything to "get there" or make it happen. For now you can't even use you giftings because you're in a waiting period. She prayed a blessing for me to just rest as I wait on The Lord. I asked Him what He was stirring. Mark 1:8. I heard it as clear as day, but didn't know what it says. "I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit." I felt a holy fear come over me; but God, I thought, I have already been baptized in your Spirit! Don't get me wrong, I want more! I was just caught off guard. The service ended though and I was left to think some before another service later on.
That afternoon, I got to visit the church that Iris has planted in the city center. It's made up almost entirely of young people, and they are on fire for God. There are only about 50 people, but God's presence was so thick there, and Papa ministered to me powerfully. From the moment I walked in, I felt like I was in the Mozambican version of CTF Downtown. I felt the same love, power, and presence. It's not something I have felt since getting to Africa. The anointing of the worship leader reminded me so much of Bria's worship in Ukraine, but the hunger and fire in the congregation made me feel like I was back home. At the end of the service, Analisa, (the 26-year-old preacher, worship leader, and Iris base director) had a word for me, and called me to the front to pray over me. She told me that God had anointed me to set the captives free, and that I have a passion and boldness to call people out of their darkness and into God's glorious light. She prophesied that in the next few days that anointing would increase and God would take me to a new level in it. I broke. I felt Him rush over me and begin ministering to my soul. It was beautiful.
That night, I stayed up late talking with Megan (my co-leader, other squad leader), Lauren (the team leader we are visiting), and Angela (a medical doctor from England that God called to minister in Mozambique). When Angie speaks, every sentence packs a punch; there is so much wisdom in what she says, I have to process a while after each conversation. You can tell that she has walked with God for a long time, and He has shown her many things. She has also given everything to Him and given everything up for Him. She even laid down medicine, as He called her out of the hospital and into the bush. As we talked, she mentioned how God caused her to read about the ministry of John G. Lakes, a medical doctor who laid medicine down to have a healing ministry. She shared how years after doing supernatural ministry, God told him that He wanted to baptize him in His Spirit. He had already been filled with the Spirit, but God had more: more to pour out, and also more that He was jealous to receive from him. God asked if he was willing to choose Him over ministry. Will I choose God over ministry? The outcome of this baptism was anointing, to be a carrier of God's presence. Among other things, Angie also shared about the time that God told her that they were married, and that the intimacy in her walk honored Him.
Things began to click. He is calling me to surrender more of my heart and life to Him. He has so much for me to receive from Him, but He also requires so more of me. I have settled in a huge way. I have settled for a level of intimacy that isn't very intimate. There aren't plateaus with God, but I have dug out one for myself. I have put ministry to the squad before intimacy with God. He is too good to let me stay that way, though, and has basically told me that this month He is calling me to come away with Him. I was with this team for half of last month. They don't need me here. Megan and I got Jehovah Sneaky'd! We meant to keep pouring ourselves out to the squad, but He had different plans. That's what I processed as I went to bed…after my first full day in Mozambique.
The next day, the staff wanted to meet with us for the afternoon and minister to us some. The worship time we had has been one of the most meaningful to me since the Race began. I felt like I was at Ignite Group! Analisa had another word for me, and told me that, like Joshua and Caleb, you have a heavenly perspective and there are mountains that you will take for the Kingdom, while others might settle in fear instead. You will see them from God's perspective and have faith to believe God for them. You won't just conquer these mountains for yourself, though; you will empower others to reach their potential. I realized that when I settle, I also keep others from going places. I had, in a lot of ways, stopped going further with The Lord, because I knew He brought me here to bring others along with me into His presence, and I guess I thought I should be accessible to them; I began to seek people instead of God's presence. Somewhere in the last few months, I have lost sight of Him in trying to show Him to people. I repented, and told Jesus that I want to pursue Him again. That night, as I prayed, God placed another random scripture reference on my heart: Hosea 2:16. "In that day," declares the Lord, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master.' He is calling me into a love covenant with Him that requires everything. Angela's story was becoming more and more my own.
I have been processing a lot, and I really do believe that God has a new thing to release into me, but I know that with that will come a new refining of my character. That was challenged today. I rode into town with Ty, one of our contacts here at Iris. As we talked, he asked what Jesus is doing in my life. I tried to sum up what I have written here, and he listened for a while and then asked me a question. "Caleb," he asked. "Ultimately in your desire for God, do you want to love or make love?" Basically, he was asking if I am seeking fulfillment and experience, or the joy of commitment. He explained how we can be so driven by the things we can get from God, that we basically prostitute ourselves. For my love, God, you owe me this, or I want that. What if God never pours out His anointing on me again? What if He never uses me to minister to someone ever again. What if He calls me to love Him in such an intimate way that no one ever sees the signs of it and praises me for it? Would I still love Him? I realized that I couldn't answer the question immediately. I really love God, but I also really love encounters with Him, and the experiences I have had with Him. I don't think He asks us to choose either or, but for both and more. Nevertheless, I had to check my heart.
Ty told me not to over-think it, but just to walk in humility; he asked me what I love to do and what brings me most joy. Worship, no question about it. He prayed for God to exponentially increase my adoration for God and my desire to praise. In the last few hours, I feel like worship has already become even more precious to me, and as we sang, I began to cry, so thankful for the incredible Jesus I love. I want Him to show me His glory. I want to be a man of His presence. I don't know what this is gonna look like, but I am hungrier for more of God than I have been recently, and I want to see where He is leading me. Please pray for me to be swept away in His loving presence, transformed and surrendered completely.
Thank you for joining me in praying for this!
Christmas blessings.
I love and miss you,
Caleb
PS: I am still about $4000 away from my final financial deadline. Would you prayerfully consider making a year-end, tax-deductible gift and help keep me on the field? Click the Support Me button in the menu to the left to find out how you can partner with me. Thanks!
