This is one of those blogs that just lets you know whats going on.
(i am sitting in Kiev on a street corner outside a random store to get internet becuase i want to let you know how i am)
I am frustrated.
The kind of frustrated that you don’t think happens to missionaries.
And someday i will blog about things that are good and great and God “happy” , but there are days when those just can’t compare to the pain.
In Tanzania i preached on Psalms 13
Its at the bottom if you want to read it. I am not at the last two verses yet.
but i am certainly getting hte first four down.
This blog isn’t worth pictures. Its not even worth an edit or spell check. because its just uggghhhh.
Its going out to the person who simply thinkgs. What the heck God? does this matter? do I matter?
I say this because I am 9 months into this race.
I told myself that i wouldn’t htink about life after the race until i got to europe.
Well i started, and combine those thoughts with quesitons about God, and just LIFE ISSUES and all of hte sudden my world seems to fall to shambles.
And there is part of me that wants to “Be a man, grow a pair and get through this”
BUt that CAN”T BE IT. This life can not be about my strength, and it can’t be about feelings and it CAN”T BE ABOUT ME.
There has to be something more out there. Some reason, some creator.
AND I KNOW THIS CREATOR!!!! and i know what hte greatness of being in God’s will. but right now i am experiencing the pain and scariness of a silent God.
But who am i to get answers? who am i to “control” the “creator”.
If anything i can rejoice that my immaturity, and weakness is not shunned by our God but actually allowed.
Jesus Himself says “my God why have you forsaken my” ( I AM NOT OMPARING MYSELF TO JESUS)
but david cried out.
Paul did what he hated and did not do what he wanted to do.
Ministry is happening. Ukraine is passing me by. but i can’t fake it. I can’t pretend. I am praing that in my weakness God makes something happen.
In my fears and doubts, true faith is created.
I pray that if htere is a reader who feels the same way, you can rejoice in knowing you are not alone.
Loneliness. That will get you every time.
but we have a God who promised he will never leave us nor forsake us.
Cast all your cares upon him.
Lean not on OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING.
Guys, i am confussed. I am hurting. But i know i am not a lone.
We are a body. and that body has each other to help one another. THIS IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP. i honestly could use prayers, but i dont need answers. I just really desire to let you into my life.
Missions isn’t “euphoria” it isn’t a world for people who “get it” we’re all on the same page.
We are all SINNERS SAVED BY GRACE.
who knows.
You should read the Psalms.
Hope is out there.
NO hope is here.
But even those who see the hope, know the hope, have the hope, they can still feel the pain, see the pain, have the pain if they forget the truth
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
