Recently I got back from a three week trip in Brazil. I was staying with some good friends of mine I met through a short term missions exchange three years ago. This time was not a missions trip, and I did not go with the mindset of self growth or discovery; however, growth nevertheless occurred. I am still processing the totality of sights and emotions my body experienced, that I may later write more about. Anyways, due to the whirlwind of New Years (and being without my computer or journal), I am just sitting down to reflect on and think out my “new years resolutions”.
Ordinarily, I am horrible at ‘resolutions’, because I see them as things to accomplish daily, and I struggle with drinking 64 oz of water every day. This year, however, is the first time I have ever entered into a year knowing there are going to be a good number of drastic changes in my life during the next twelve months. Within the course of 2018, I will decide what college I am going to attend. I will be getting knee surgery. I will graduate high school. I will become an adult. I will pack a backpack and move to Guatemala for three months. I will repack that backpack and move to Thailand and Malaysia for three months. I will be living with 5-10 semi-strangers. I will be, in a sense, moving out of my parents’ house. All of these, I am beyond excited for (even the surgery, because I’ll be able to play soccer again)! However, as each of these moments is suddenly fast approaching, I’m realizing more than ever, that my life is really my own life now, and with that, there are some details/changes I want to hold fast to.
- God is extremely intentional with who he places in our life. I spent approximately three weeks in Brazil. In those three weeks, I was able to spend time with a multitude of different people who have monumentally impacted my relationship with God. One person in particular was greatly highlighted to me. I met my friend Louisa almost three years ago, when I went to a Christian camp in Brazil on mission. She was my camp counselor there. I spent around two weeks with her then, and one day on this trip. However, in that one day, she shared a story from her life over the past year that gave words to the feelings I felt, but was never able to put words to voice. She was able to explain to me, how I feel God, through her own story. Essentially, her sharing of her own trials and triumphs so paralleled my own over the past year, I was immediately hit with the realization of just how intentional and magnificent God is, which is such a praise for me. As World Race gets closer, I keep being hit with a feeling of me not being capable of sharing God, because I am not strong enough in my own relationship with him. I have doubts and concerns, especially regarding God’s control over my finances, which is hard to express as a seventeen year old. But this one day, on the other side of the world, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace at the true mountains God can and WILL move.
- It is easier to share with people whose immediate reactions you will not see- but vulnerability is what grows us. My home church recently restructured our high school group. With this change, I want to become more intentional with outreach and continued investment in my peers. Anyone close to me can vouch for my inability to maintain in good communication and contact with people. I am truly horrible at “staying in touch” with people. Knowing that, I feel that within the high school group I have been attending for four years, girls I have worked besides and road tripped with are strangers, within God’s community! I don’t want that! I want to work on investing in my community here, in Santa Cruz, deeply, despite only having 8 months left living here.
- The World Race is going to be HARD for me. But for reasons other than what you may expect. I mentioned my recent travel to Brazil. I did this alone, which I have no problem with at all. In fact, my favorite moments from the trip were when I was with the least amount of people. I realized that as much as I love spending time with friends, I love to be alone (like really, alone). In hindsight, that is likely why I am considered neither an extrovert or an introvert on personality tests I do. In sum, the World Race may put me in an environment where I struggle to have alone time or simply sit in the quiet with God.
- LIVE. My dad has mentioned this quote from one of his university professors at Davis several times to me: “Do what you’re doing”. Simple as it sounds, he advised my dad years ago, to be invested wholeheartedly in the tasks at hand, and not stretch himself out. Now, as my dad has mentioned this to me, I really want to be present in my relationships with people, in my school work, in my work, in my church. I have an incredible community and am immensely blessed in my life here. I want to hold fast to these blessings as I move on.
I don’t have an outstanding moral or point to this blog post at all. Really, it is just an update on both the events and recent emotions of my life. I would appreciate prayer for many of the aspects mentioned in this blog post, particularly regarding my church and my relational growth with God.
