I want to share with you one of my favorite moments from Honduras…
Some of you may know that I play guitar. I taught myself my freshman year of college, so I have been playing for about 4 years.
I had always wanted to play guitar. I borrowed a guitar in high school and tried teaching myself, but for some reason it just didn’t stick. So, I put the guitar away and didn’t think about it again until college.
I was driving home from school one weekend, listening to Bethany Dillon. And, if you don’t know Bethany Dillon is a Christian singer/songwriter who does a lot of her music with nothing but her voice and a guitar. As I drove down the road, I was reminded of just how much I loved the guitar. With this I felt the Lord telling me to pick up the guitar again. So I did, and this time it stuck.
I helped lead worship at Camp Mundo Vista one summer, and I played a few other times here and there, but I allowed my fears to hold me back. I was so fearful of playing and singing in front of people I kept missing opportunities to do what the Lord had called me to do. I felt as though my guitar and singing skills were limited compared to so many others. I felt as though I wasn’t good enough to stand in front of people and lead them in worship. Which brings me to the here and now…
On November 17th, which just so happens to be my birthday, Stacey (one of my squad leaders) asked me to lead worship for the squad that evening. I hesitated at first, remembering my fears, but after a little encouragement from Stacey I agreed to play.
Going into the service that night I was extremely nervous. It was the first time I had sang or played in front of all of my squad mates. I prayed before I began playing, and I continued to pray as I was playing. Lord, please calm my nerves. Please help my fingers to remember the chords, and please strengthen my voice to lead. Lord, please let Your light shine through me.
As I played I felt the Lord calm my nerves. I felt Him life my voice. I had never felt anything like this before, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it.
Throughout worship Stacey called certain people into the middle of the circle we were worshipping in. Once they were in the middle the rest of the squad could speak encouragement, prayers, etc. into their life. Right before I led the last song, Stacey called me into the middle of the circle. I was unsure of what to make of it at first, but as people began telling me how the Lord was moving through my voice and the power of my gift, I began to reexamine the doubts and fears that I allowed to control my music.
Here is a short journal entry from that night that describes a little of how I was feeling after worship:
I cannot even believe this is real. Worship was unlike any service I have ever experienced. I felt the authority of Christ so strong over me. For the first time in my life I feel like I know what my gifts are! This feeling is so freeing…to know that the Lord has blessed me with a gift, to know that He is moving within me, through me. I want to grow this gift. I want to reach the nations with this gift. God I know You have big plans, I know You will grow this gift. I am so ready to share this, to share Your light with the world!
I feel the best way to end this post is through the words of Bethany Dillon. May this be my prayer.
Father, let your light shine down on me.
No matter what the day or night may bring,
Father, let your light shine down on me.
Open up the heavens, pour down Your spirit.
Hold me, God.
Jesus, wherever you lead, I’ll sing harmony.
Love, Caitlyn
