March 31, 2018 – Bulawayo, Zimbabwe
Today was our first day of ministry in Zimbabwe. We went to an orphanage/school. It went okay.
I don’t want to make it sound like it was a failure, because it definitely wasn’t, but I was disappointed in myself. I was in charge of sharing the message with the older kids. We were told 18-21 year olds but it ended up being 12-16. A tad bit different. The lord gave me this really cool message about how the disciples may have felt while Jesus was in the tomb and paralleling it with when we feel alone or abandoned. But What the disciples didn’t know what that Jesus was fighting for them and their salvation and then he rose. There was a greater plan afoot and then He came back and promised to be with them forever. A beautiful story of hope. I thought it could be a really special time for them to find healing and ultimately find Jesus.
But when it actually came time to do it, it didn’t happen like I’d hoped. I struggled with making statements simple enough to be translated and understood. I talked in circles instead of getting to the point. Instead of being inspirational and leading them in a time of reflection, I was dull and nothing seemed to be hitting home for them.
I felt like I could have done so much better. And then we broke into smaller groups and discussed. While it was a bit of a struggle with my group just to have a good conversation, there was a girl in my mentor’s group who had a huge transformation. To be honest, I was a bit envious and didn‘t know what I was doing wrong. Why weren’t there any breakthroughs?
As I’m writing this the Lord is reminding me of a few things.
1. It’s not about me
2. I was doing what the lord asked me to do
3. I’m not perfect – – I have room to grow
4. My mentor didn’t transform her, the Holy Spirit did – – the power is from God
5. God moved today
6. It’s not about me
I’m trying to focus on the positives, but my attitude has not been great since we got home. To be honest things have been off since last night. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep for hours. I was restless and uncomfortable. I felt like it was an attack because of what was going to be done today. Satan didn’t want things to go well. And even though we had lots of hiccups, great things still happened. Children were saved and walked away knowing what Jesus did for them.
That is a victory. I might not have been super happy with my performance today, but Jesus was victorious. And again, it’s not even about my performance. The Holy Spirit loves. Souls were won today. Jesus won today. Just like in the tomb.
Greater plans are afoot.
Happy Easter!
