When I’m upset or have something I can’t handle on my own I tend to run and hide. I find a place to close my eyes, sleep, and hope that when I wake up life will be happy again. It wasn’t until college that I realized I did this and have since tried to face problems more actively. Well, lately I’ve nearly mastered the fetal position seeking every opportunity to close my eyes and curl up in my Father’s lap.
It’s a small yet significant change when I choose to open my eyes. When I open my eyes I see the laughter and support from my team, I see the glory and purpose of Christ in my life, I see the beauty and peace of my God in the sunsets. When I open my eyes I see needs greater than my own.
We, 50+ racers, crossed the border to get back into Thailand. Once on the Thai said we waited for the others to get through the passport line. A group of street kids were there begging for anything they could get from us, mostly our extra food. One girl was carrying around a naked baby boy. Looking at him crawl on the dirty ground I thought of Jesus’ words, “Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his demons!…I was naked, and you gave me no clothing. I assure you, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help Me.” (Matthew 25: 41, 43, 45) I had a scarf in my bag. If I didn’t wrap the baby up in it those words would pierce my heart every time I wore it. Kneeling down I wrapped the cotton scarf around the baby. Almost ready to leave with the team, one minute later the baby’s sister had taken the scarf away, put it on herself, leaving the baby in nakedness again. As I stood watching her another street kid holding a baby came to my side and held onto my hand. He kept holding out a hand and whimpering to me . All I could offer was a smile as I stroked their heads.
He and the baby followed by my side to the bus stop and waited with me. After one sandwich was offered he refused everything else the team tried to give him. He continued to whimper at my side. I prayed, kneeled down stroking his back, sang to him…nothing stopped the small tears that began to come. I was humbled to know my God hears the same whimpering from this child that He’s been hearing from me the past couple days. We finally had to load the bus and leave – he followed me till I got on the bus. With bigger tears he looked hopelessly as the bus drove me away. He’s probably already forgotten me.
What am I doing? When all I pour out doesn’t turn out how I expect it should, what am I doing? I’m choosing to open my eyes. I’m choosing to love when I get hurt. I’m choosing to lead the praise in the valley. I’m choosing to live for His glory. All of this because He chose and loved me first.
