I thought returning to camp for the summer would be easy. I’m thankful He wants more for us than “easy”. We were challenged to give up a “pet sin” this summer. It’s usually pretty hard for me on my own to come up with something else the Lord can have. So, I wrote in my journal, “Speak to me – how have I offended You recently? Hurt our relationship?…” I prayed, and unexpectedly got an answer.
Psalm 139: 23, 24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
It felt like a subtle but lasting punch in the gut but for the heart. The other night God shined that light opening me to how He wants more of me. More? Yes, even more! I am not yet completely His. I am holding back still in selfish ways. Even though the Truth of Scripture that tells us we were not given a spirit of fear, I tend to run to it a few times too many. It made me sick realizing, honestly, I cannot do my job this summer without Him. I cannot be a loving servant to those around me without Him. I should not boast in myself, but praise His strength in my weaknesses. I cannot leave for the World Race thinking I only need Him at my own convenience. I can’t do life without Him. I can’t. BUT – His love is sweet. He wants more of me! It’s a dangerous thought, but oh, the beautiful things He can do when He has complete control of a willing soul. His plans are perfect.
I don’t want to sound like I have everything sorted out. I tend to not share my struggles until I’ve ironed them out. Forget that – to God be the glory! His is pursuing me with a holy fire that is refining me from the inside out.
Read The Heavenly Man. Even during horrible persecution Brother Yun had God’s Truth so deeply interwoven in himself that he was able to endure with joy and strength. When he was beaten and humiliated for the cross he had Scripture written on his heart that brought him the strength of a Savior’s love as he laid alone in the darkness of a prison. He fasted for over 40 days removing himself from dependancy on anything other than the God who gave him eternal life. Having nothing else, Brother Yun’s life is an inspiring example of one completely in the hands of the Living God.
Lord, I ask for persecution that can make me wholly Yours. Completely Yours. I ask for opportunities to prove faithfulness and trust. If I can have just You to breath in, feed from, and love off of, Lord just give me You.
And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind, and all your strength. Mark 12:30
