Blah. Being sick isn’t fun. Wednesday I had this concussion-cold mix. With a bad headache, dizziness, soar throat, nausea, and upset stomach I laid on my plot of tile floor that I call my bed for hours. The night before we had watched Left Behind 2 and I took my malaria pill late…interesting mix. The sickness I blame the malaria pill and my search for faith was inspired by Kirk Cameron and cheap acting.
I want more faith.
Sometimes I don’t know what to hope in and I can’t make myself step into what I do not know. Sometimes when God doesn’t make sense I don’t want to trust and follow Him. Sometimes I don’t understand why God would choose me to fearlessly love His people. Sometimes I think I’ll never have enough faith to witness a miracle. Sometimes I don’t think He hears my prayers. Sometimes I want to do it by myself. Sometimes I want to quit.
I helplessly laid on the floor all day. I slept mostly and when I had enough strength to keep my eyes open I read Hebrews 11. I wasn’t hearing from God and I wanted answers quickly. What did these heroes of the Bible have that I wanted?
(Hebrews 11)
6 So, you see, it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to Him must believe that there is a God and that He rewards those who sincerely seek Him. 8…He (Abraham) went without knowing where he was going. 10 Abraham did this because he was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God. 20…He (Isacac) had confidence in what God was going to do in the future. 26 He (Moses) thought it was better to suffer for the sake of the Messiah than to own the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking ahead to the great reward that God would give him. 27…Moses kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the One who is invisible. 39 All of these people we have mentioned received God’s approval because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised.
Those in the Bible who lived and acted on faith didn’t do it because they knew what would happen or because they’ve seen it done before. They lived by faith because they knew God, keeping their eyes on Him, and knew that He could do it. One of my favorite songs is Love Song for a Savior by Jars of Clay: “I want to fall in love with You. My heart beats for You.” Sometimes I get too busy and I forget how my heart was made – to love Him, to keep my eyes on Him. Good to have a sick day to rest and reevaluate things.
This is the desire of my team and myself. Please keep us in your prayers…and remember we are human just like you. I would have posted a happy, healthy picture of me from Cambodia but the internet is super slow. Next time!
