I had the
most amazing 5 days in Gainesville, GA at Training Camp for The World Race. It
was a time where God’s presence was felt at all times. It was a time where I
was free to explore my wounds and others were there to cancel lies and remind
me of the truth. It was a time where I was loved and free to love others. It
was a time where I saw the importance of community. Not just hanging out with
one another, but be broken for one another. I saw the importance of praying for
one another and the power of prayer to renew one’s mind. It was a time for me
to see and experience the LIVING, BREATHING, ACTIVE presence of God.
Sometimes
you need to be in the middle of the wood surrounded by beautiful stars, trees
and a lake to realize how wonderful our Lord is. Sometimes you need to be
freezing unable to sleep in a sleeping bag to see how much comfort gets in the
way of embracing God. Sometimes that cold air and your inability to sleep is
exactly what you need to cry out to God and I mean cry out.
Sometimes
you need strangers who become friends who become family in 5 days to realize.
Love is real. The Body of Christ is real. Hope is Alive.
And friends
sometimes you need all your shit exposed. All your wounds opened for you to
realize as the lovely modern Theologian Phish would say ” If you can heal the
symptoms but not affect the cause it’s quite a bit like trying to heal a
gunshot wound with gauze”
Well I have
healed a lot of wounds with gauze. Right now more than ever I need to experience
my own inner healing. I need massive open heart surgery from God. I need to
continue to walk in freedom. I need to continue to grow in grace and soak in
His love for me. I need to experience more forgiveness, repentance, and
forgiving others.
So January
2010 World Race is not for me, but I still believe it is exactly where God
needed to be. I needed to experience all I experienced at training. I needed
all my wounds out in the open. I needed to realize St Louis is Home and The
Journey, Celebrate Recovery, and AA are my families. I needed to realize God
will use my story to bring healing but first I must embrace the story of How
God has worked in my life. I still believe with all my heart The World Race is
in my future and Thank Goodness they have many upcoming races planned. I will
go out I will touch the lives of people in Africa, Asia, and Eastern Europe. I
am willing to go out, but I am also willing to stay and allow God to touch me.
I am willing to stay and realize there are plenty of opportunities for me to
take what I learned at training and apply it to my community in St Louis.
We worship
an amazing God and He can do all things. I realize it is not for me to say when
He will do these things. All I have to do is be willing to do whatever He wants
me to do in His time. So for now I will embrace my recovery and the healing He
has for me but when I am reading to quit unwilling to embrace recovery. I need
you my spiritual family to pray with me, to encourage me, to keep me
accountable.
