Today I am celebrating one year of sobriety. I still can’t believe this day is here. I never thought I would make it. I never thought it was possible. A year ago at this time I was done. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically I was spent. I never imagined I would be able to stay sober. I thought my life was over. I had tried and failed so many times that I didn’t think it was possible for me. I knew there were two options get sober or just drink until the bitter end.
Thankfully God had a better plan for me. As I checked into the hospital and was around a lot of hurting people it all became real to me. This was my life. My name is Caitlin and I really was an Alcoholic. I saw so many hurting people with out hope. I made it my mission to encourage, listen, befriend everyone who was in the hospital. When I had visitors and another guy didn’t I invited him into our conversation. It was hard for me to leave the hospital knowing I could not continue to encourage the other people struggling. As I left I slowly saw I was telling people things I didn’t even believe myself. I began to realize it didn’t matter one bit if I could help everyone else. The person I needed to start helping was myself.
It’s impossible for me to sum up what this year has meant to me and I know it’s only the beginning. God has taught me so many things. Mainly how much He loves me right now just as I am. That’s a hard one for me. It’s a constant battle to believe that, but when I can rest in His love and grace I am able to do all things. If I surround myself with people who encourage me, spend time soaking in the truth, and living by his Grace I am able to do things that on my own I could not do. There is no way I could have made it one day let alone a year sober in my own strength. So in many ways I grateful that I am Alcoholic, because in admitting my powerlessness I find strength.
There’s a saying in AA “Don’t Quit Til The Miracle Happens”. That’s another thing I learned this year. I even posted a sign with those words on my mirror so I could be reminded daily. In the past I would quit when things got tough I would give up. I had tried and failed for 5 years to get sober and I knew this time I just had to not quit. I just had to one day at a time remember to not quit till the miracle happens. I didn’t know what that miracle was, but I wanted it.
So today as I give thanks to God and the people who supported me I am so glad I didn’t quit. I’m glad that I have God in my life and He doesn’t give up on me no matter what. God has a tight grip on me and won’t let go. No matter what happens in my life. I know today the miracle is life. The miracle is living everyday for God. I couldn’t do that when I was drinking but today I can give thanks and praise to the One who rescued me when I was stuck in addiction.
