Lover Of The Worst Kind by Jamie Finch
Into this story that I create as we speak
I wish to breathe You alive
Onto the pages I compose
In an effort to understand
How in the world You have made me into
Something so much more than myself
I wish to ask You to come away
To take me out of myself
Take me away from my roots
Take me up from these darker grounds
And suture me to the sky
To rip open that inconsolale secret
Spoken of and then hushed
So many times
For we cannot hide it
As we cannot tell it
When we try to see it
Because I cannot see it
As long as I will not see You
For Who You truly are
The Lover who has loved me still
Even though I’ve been long away
In lands that were not meant for me
And sometimes it’s shocking
Just how quickly I am willing
To sacrifice you on the alter
Of the other
Something other
Something else
You are the only one I trust
The deepest parts of my heart with
You are the only one I will let
The darkest parts of me fall into
Because You are the only one I know
Will embrace me even as I fight Your hands
And when I think that
I Shall Rush Out As I Am
I think of only You
And how it must be done
Within a sturdy capsule of the identity You have given
For when I feel
Most alive
When I feel
Most lovely
When I feel anything at all
It is wrapped up within the things of You
I am a leaver, but I cannot run from You
Escape cannot be had
I am a leaver, so let’s not fight
What we know ourselves to be
I am a leaver, but you are a Lover of the worst kind
The kind that does not let me forget myself inside of You.
