December 13th is my brother Timmy’s birthday. I can’t
believe on Sunday he would’ve been 23. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since
I’ve celebrated a birthday with him. I never thought that his 13th
birthday would be his last. I always thought we would walk through life
together. Even though I miss my brother dearly he will always be with me.
It’s hard to know 10 years later how I am supposed to spend his
birthday. In the past I have only looked at his death and how God took away my
best friend. I have neglected to look at the fact that God gave me Timmy for 13
years. In those 13 years God gave me some great memories with a great kid.
I will always remember my brother’s smile and his cute freckled
face. I will always remember how he would suck his thumb and carry his baby
blanket with him everywhere he would go. I will never forget how he ran naked
around our house when a babysitter came because he did not approve of having a
babysitter. I will always remember playing games with him outside or at the
Nielsen’s house. I will fondly remember my days as his cheerleader when he won
the State Tournament in Ice Hockey. I loved how he would dance to the music in
the ice rink while he was playing goalie. I remember riding our bikes with a
jar of pennies to McDonald’s to get Happy Meals. I even remember stupid
arguments I had with him. I wish I could take all those back, but I know we
were siblings and sometimes siblings fight.
Some of the specific details have faded away and that saddens
me. I feel like no matter how many memories I have of him they don’t do justice.
Timmy’s life and death have affected me more than any person in my life.
I want to hold onto every image I have of Timmy. Even though
some of the specifics have faded away what remains is a portrait of a great
young person. Timmy was a kid who just loved the hell out of life. When he got
sick with Cancer we all fell apart, but there was an inner strength in him.
This year on his Birthday I want to celebrate the lessons he
taught me. I want to remember to laugh. I want to remember in the middle of a
tough situation to try to make the most of it. I want to remember to live,
because Timmy would want that for me. I want to remember that the same spirit
that was in Timmy is in me and I want to rely more on God’s strength than my
own. Most of all I want to thank God for an amazing 13 years with the most
amazing younger brother and friend. I love you Timmy forever.
