If you know me you know my love of Henri Nouwen. His words often express exactly what’s on my heart and therefore I quote him all the time. So while most Christians( at least Protestants) over quote CS Lewis I may over quote Nouwen just a bit. Nouwen beautifully expresses what 2009 was for me. My words right now are all over the place so until I can process them I will let my favorite priest speak for me.
Entering The New Country by Henri Nouwen
You have an idea of what the new country looks like. Still, you are very much at home, although not truly at peace in the old country. You know the ways of the old country, its joys and pains, its happy and sad moments. You have spent most of your days there. Even though you know that you have not found there what your heart most desire, you remain quite attached to it. It has become part of your very bones.
Now you have come to realize that you must leave it and enter the new country, where your Beloved dwells. You know that what helped and guided you in the old country no longer works, but what else do you have to go by? You are being asked to trust that you will find what you need in the new country. That requires the death of what has become so precious to you: influence, success, yes, even affection and praise.
Trust is so hard, since you have nothing to fall back on. Still, trust is what is essential. The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable.
It seems that you keep crossing and recrossing the border. For a while you experience a real joy in the new country. But then you feel afraid and start longing again for all you left behind, so you go back to the old country. To your dismay, you discover the old country has lost its charm. Risks a few more steps in the new country, trusting that each time you enter it, you will feel more comfortable and be able to stay longer.
