It’s Monday, July 6th, and I’m standing on Georgia’s red dirt in the shade from the hot sun. I’m already uncomfortable and I’ve only been at training camp for 45 minutes, if even that long.
What have I gotten myself into? I thought. This isn’t what I was expecting. I don’t even know what I was expecting, but this, wasn’t it.
The night before, I had spent the night with about 24 other people on my squad in a one-bedroom apartment. Meeting most of the people that day, or the day before. If I was starting to get overwhelmed then by all the new people, I was really overwhelmed now. I thought that I had met or at least had a general idea of how many people were on my squad.
But boy, was I wrong.
As I’m setting up my tent for the night, people just keep strolling into our campsite. I thought “Surely all these people AREN’T on my squad?” But, they were. At that moment in time, I was overwhelmed and quite shy. I thought I met most of the squad last night? I don’t know her. I don’t know him. Wait… who are you? These were just some of the thoughts racing through my head. I was really out of my comfort zone. But now looking back on it… I’m so thankful!
I’ve always struggled with feeling like I didn’t belong or wasn’t wanted. And in this large group of about 48 people, I was really feeling it. Especially the first couple of days but let me tell you, these people are awesome.
At training camp, you really don’t have a clue about what’s going on or what’s going to happen. You just go along with the flow. Whatever happens happens and you deal with it. Well, one of the things that “happened” was you had to be vulnerable, and let people into your life to get to know you, help you grow, challenge you, cry with you and love you.
Fun fact about me, I don’t like being vulnerable.
Even with people I’ve known, let alone these people I just met 2 days ago.
So next thing I know, I’m lying on the floor in the Lodge basement staring at the carpet with a group of ladies from my squad.
I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t want to share about things that bother me. I don’t even know y’all. This is awkward.
But, God gave them and I grace to share with each other. The funny thing is, it was really…nice. To talk to these women and get to know them, but also see what we had in common.
One of the things I shared about, (and I won’t go into detail, because lets be honest [insert Pitch Perfect quote here] that means I’m being vulnerable with the world wide web), was feeling like I wasn’t important and that I didn’t matter and that certain people in my life, I felt like didn’t care whether I was there (in their life) or not.
Funny thing is, I wasn’t the only one struggling with that.
Now, I’m not saying that I’m glad somebody feels the way I do, cause, that sucks, but knowing that I wasn’t the only one and then having someone I connected with, well it was crazy.
God does crazy things when we’re honest and open with one another I’ve come to find out.
I now have relationships with the people in my squad. And after 10 days of camping in the woods, eating with my hands out of the same bowl as them, crying with them, laughing with them, worshipping our Savior with them, and just living life with them, I’m glad I can say that they are not strangers any more. They are my very large, extended, crazy, awesome family. What a turn around from the first 45 minutes of camp.
Now going back to what I said earlier about feeling like I didn’t belong. God gave me this super awesome realization one day at camp. He brought the verse John 17:16 to mind where Jesus said,
“They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.”
I am not of this world. I am a daughter of the Most High God. And that I believe is a reason I “don’t belong”, because I am not of this world. I am built for another world altogether. A world where I can physically walk with Jesus, this world, is far greater than the one I’m in now. It’s heaven.
But now, I have this community in my squad and teammates, and we all don’t belong together. Anyone who has Christ in their lives “doesn’t belong”. It may be a different way to look at it, but it’s what was revealed to me!
Thursday, July 16th, 8:30 am.
I don’t want to leave camp. I don’t want to leave the community I’ve come to love. I don’t want to leave these brothers and sisters I’ve made in the past 10 days! These were some thoughts that were in my head, how different they were from the beginning of camp!
Crazy thing is, I’ll be with them all in 5 weeks. In just 5 weeks I’ll start traveling the world with them and sharing the love of Jesus.
5 WEEKS!!!
I can hardly believe it. There is still so much to do here at home. Shots to get, people to see, bills to pay, etc.
If you would like to hangout with me before I leave, lets do it. Lets set a time and see each other, get some food or go skydiving. After all, I only have 5 weeks and then I’m gone for 11 months!
To sum this post all up, God is so good!
