About a month ago I said goodbye to my closest friends, left my job as a pre k teacher, packed 11 months worth of belongings in my 35 pound bag and hopped on a plane.
Doubt and excitement intertwined themselves as one and took root in my heart. I was excited to finally be stepping foot into this beautiful reality of traveling the world for one purpose – to exalt the name of Jesus among the nations. But doubt would creep in and cause me to question if this REALLY was what I desired to do. After all, I had a beautiful life in Texas – I was a part of the most amazing church, was surrounded by a beautiful community, got to teach the most precious students and I was continually growing and being challenged in my walk with the Lord. But even still – I longed for something more, something deeper, something profound and I knew I had the option of stepping out into the deep unknown waters to have this longing fulfilled by Abba.
Fast forward – I take my first few steps out of the airport and behold Honduras in all it’s glory. The wind against my face, the sight of the overcast sky, the faint smell of exhaust – it strangely felt like home. This place I had never been, never had an interest for suddenly had my heart. I was so captivated & overtaken by thankfulness for that moment in time. All I could do was stand still, breathe in deeply, look around with eyes of wonder & smile. This was real life – no longer a dream but reality. In that moment all doubt fled and thankfulness took root.
One word to describe my first month in a whole would be perseverance. There have been moments of emptiness, moments where I questioned why I was here, moments of just wanting to see my Texas family and moments where I thought about hopping on a plane back home. Not because it’s horrible here – it’s absolutely beautiful & ravishing. But because I’m treading in deep waters with the Lord. Deep unknown breathtaking waters. Wave after wave crashing upon me.
Being in relationship with the Lord on the race doesn’t look the same as it does at home. I can’t go to the prayer room whenever I want, I cant spend three hours in the word a day & I cant go be alone with Jesus when needed. This month I was surrounded by forty two of my squad mates day in and day out – it was a beautiful thing but also stretching. It was stretching because I was so used to the luxury of spending time with Jesus whenever I wanted. But day by day I’m seeing the beauty of having to fight for my relationship with the Lord; fight for time with him.
Whether that means waking up in the middle of the night just to be with Him or skipping the movie. He is worth it – so worth it. He has fought for me since the very beginning and now I get to fight for Him. What a blessing it is. To get to show Him my love for Him in a new way.
So was the sacrifice worth it? Yes, a million times yes. Jesus is worth every struggle, every joy, He is worth it all.
