So I climb on to this rickety wooden plank made of bamboo and sit on a pillow placed in one of the four corners. The bamboo plank is resting upon a rusting metal wheel system that closely resembles weights one would use for bench pressing. There is a small motor on the back of the ‘vehicle’ and the whole thing is resting upon a very old and misshapen train track. Welcome to the Cambodian bamboo train. I look ahead and see the tracks disappear into a dark, lush jungle clothed in various shades of vibrant green. A storm is on the way and silvery gray clouds are overtaking the sky. The cart begins to role forward, slow at first, and then, before I now it, we are traveling at about 25 to 30 miles an hour whizzing through the jungle. The vegetation is so thick it’s hard to see any distance down the tracks. The wind rushes past me, cooling off my over heated body. The rickety tracks give the cart a bumpy ride as we are propelled forward and I love every second of it. There is no safety net, no helmets, no handles to hold on to, and no one is worried. No release papers to sign. Just climb on and head out into the Cambodian jungle. Something about this experience was so freeing and life giving. It caused me to pause and think about my favorite feelings. Well, the bamboo train certainly has made that list, but why? What else gives me this type of joy and what is it about these feelings that make me feel so happy and so alive?
Not time to rope up yet. We are still in the ‘class 4’ portion of the expedition, but I watch as my climbing partner tackles a few class 5 moves over quite a long, steep drop over a cliff face and move on. Okay, my turn. Deep breath. I reach forward. My heart is pounding a bit, but there is a feeling of calmness and confidence. If I allow myself to feel fear my hands will get sweaty and my grip will become slippery. There is no room for fear in these moments seeing as how we climb without chalk. I stretch my hand out and make the first reach for the hold. Slowly I work my way over the rock face and farther up the mountain. Some moves are safe and simple, but some are difficult and terrifying and its nothing but me, the rock, and the fresh air making this happen; well, and my climbing partner who is about 20 feet ahead of me and having a wonderfully unique experience all of his own. It’s so beautiful, so simple, and so freeing. Eventually, and God willing, we make it to the top. Most of the time it’s not really the ‘Yeah we did it! WOOOHOOO!’ feeling you might think it would be. Reaching the top and sitting on the peak of a treacherous mountain is a very calm, and reflective moment. Few words are necessary for us to convey our thoughts about the climb. Maybe we will talk about it later, but in that moment a few glances and a deep breath say it all.
I balance precariously on the edge and peer over at my chosen fate. The whole world is white and the wind is bitter cold. One slight shift of my weight and there is no turning back. The slope is steep. My snowboard and I pick up speed quickly. One false move and the wipeout might be more than just painful. There are moments where it feels like the whole world is moving around me instead of me moving over it. Everything is so precisely timed and I find the perfect rhythm and balance to glide through the great out doors. My movements are quick, exact, and reflexive. It is just the snow, the board, and me. All other worries of the world melt away in those moments and everything seems to be as it should. Often these times are abruptly interrupted by my catching an edge and being flung into a pile of snow. I can’t help but laugh hard at the surprise of winding up face down in the snow. Okay, hop up and do it again!
Its the same excitement as boarding a plane to a new destination, a new adventure, dancing my heart out in the middle of a crowd at a great concert, or kissing someone I really love. I feel so alive and totally content in these moments.
In short, Cambodia has caused me to pause and reflect on what it is in life I am passionate about, what makes me feel alive, and why. God has given me a courageous heart and a strong body with a love of adventure, excitement, and deep emotion. I desire to live a life where I do something that scares me daily. Our God is not a safe God and we are not called to live safe lives. If we settle for safety we might miss out on what it feels like to truly be alive and trust in something far greater than your own abilities.
