Since leaving from Indianapolis on January 7th, I have flown seven times. I find out new things every time. For example, yesterday I realized that the middle seat really is the worst seat. I was next to one of my favorite people and EVEN still, I was miserable. Claustrophobia crept in at about an hour into the flight and I thought I was suffocating and my eyelids started sweating. I thought I saw a colonial woman on the wing, churning butter. It was intense. (that last part might not be true.)
To distract myself in this time of desperation I flipped through SkyMall, always a solid choice. I found many an interesting item. First of all I found a DVD Box Set of Bob Ross: The Joy of Painting. – What a Gem. There were a ton of strange things that only people who have way too much money to blow would ever even consider. Then last but definitely not least, actually probably first on the coolness factor – HOW TO POTTY TRAIN YOUR CAT. A book, a dvd and a little toilet insert. I was in utter disbelief. Naturally my first thought was “I MUST HAVE THIS.” And yes, ladies and gentlemen! – It did bring me out of my funk. You better believe that when I get home and I have a place to live, we’re buyin it and testing it out.
One of the biggest challenges on that flight was the dryness. My throat felt like a dry PVC pipe with a cactus being shoved through it. I think this was also an effect of my anxiety. Not to mention the sassy waitress whom I had to beg for the whole can of 7up. We seriously talked about it for at least a minute.
Needless to say, I’ve come to find out that I really don’t enjoy flying. I didn’t know before, but apparently this is between me and God. He let me know this today. There are genuinely very few things that I fear. Flying is pretty high up on the list. Along with mostly stupid fears like the fear of man, fear of failure, fear of rejection and things like that. Luckily the World Race makes you face all of those things.
In a previous blog I used the word unsettling to describe my flight experience. That word is 100% accurate but I don’t think it depicts how I feel very well. When I fly my entire body responds. My stomach gets tangled up in knots and my feet and ankles blow up. Thinking about flying is almost as bad as flying. I’ve become physically ill, almost every time. Even from a young age I can remember always having stomach issues when we traveled..IN A CAR.
Weirdly enough, I enjoyed flying when I was younger. We only flew to California and Florida, but I remember thinking it was fun. I looked out the window and thought it was the coolest thing. God reminded me of that today. He reminded me of how trusting I was at that age. My parents walked me onto that plane, it was safe. So as my 22 year old self sat by the window today looking down at everything, he asked me a question. He asked why I didn’t trust him with my safety.
So naturally, I said “God, Its not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t trust this plane.” That was not the answer he was looking for. So now I’m wrestling with that. I’d love to stop being this way. If I could flip a switch and turn off my anxiety, I would. The entire time I was flying, I kept hearing him say, “I’m bigger than this.” I just kept thinking, “God, I know that!! I’m just having trouble believing it.” I’ve always had this problem where I can believe things for other people and not myself. I think I’ve blogged about it before. I can know that I know that I know, but having faith is another story.
I guess that’s what I’ll be doing this month in Thailand. Month 4 – God is up to something. This place is insane. The colors, the smells, the people..everything – just like my travel day outfit – assaulting, visually and otherwise. But I’m embracing it!! In my position you have to. There is no sense in letting things make you uncomfortable. I have to just dive right in and trust that God has me here for a reason. I’m excited. This month has been a long time coming.
HOW TO PRAY FOR BUG: Finances & Faith – TWO BIGGIES.
Thanks y’all. Love ya!
Also, as you can see I made it to Thailand! However, to stay on the race, I need $3,698. That is the exact amount. $3,698
While you’re praying for me, maybe you could ask God to provide YOU with funds to give to me. (: Thanks!
