Before I decided to do the World Race, I went through months of going back and forth. Months of secretly researching the World Race, reading blogs, and slowly I began to tell friends. I was hesitant, fearful of their response. But something about telling them, despite their response, was peaceful.
I specifically remember I was on a flight to Virginia Beach with a dear friend (who is now spending her semester in Italy)(I miss you) for our spring break, and there was a moment when I sat in my seat and looked out the window and felt a rush of peace and I began smiling. Yes, I was that person who looked at the God-created view and smiled to myself. But there was no shame there because it was in the moment that I knew what I was supposed to do.
From there on out, I began to do more detailed research, to have more in-depth conversations as to what this meant for my future, what it meant for my career, for my relationships. Despite all these questions and unknowns, there was still PEACE.
Many of the friends I told were more than supported and continued to encourage me when I began to doubt. It was God whispering to me the He will bring peace to this decision. My friends at school had a HUGE impact on my final decision. Knowing me better than I knew myself at times and telling me I would be more disappointed if didn’t try rather than trying and not succeeding.
With that being said, however, what brought me to this decision wasn’t all peace, and it still isn’t. I was fearful of what I said above. There was so much anxiety and hesitation that lead to that seat on the plane. There was anxiety when it came to this decision when it came to finally telling my parents. (y’all this was scarier than I want to admit, but I have parents who are more than supportive now.)
I was fearful of how on earth I would be able to raise $18,200. Many, many people hesitated in their excitement when I told them the amount; it’s a crazy huge amount, everyone knows that. As scared as I am of the amount I still feel peace that God will provide. I was fearful of how my relationships with friends may change with me being gone. But there’s peace.
There is still times when I become scared of the amount, scared that I’m missing out for what there is to offer here. But then I pray and remember that I am capable of so much more. If I didn’t push through the fear to board the plane, I wouldn’t have made it to Virginia Beach. If I would have listen to my anxiety as it told me I wasn’t capable of doing the World Race, I wouldn’t be 25% funded and leaving in 6 months.
I still go through moments where I can’t believe that this is my reality. But working through the struggles has always brought peace and understanding in the end. Finding the light in the darkness when it feels so overwhelming. There’s an amazing God and He brings peace.
With love,
B
