This December, I told those closest to me I would be completely disconnecting and allow my blogs to do the talking. This blog begins a mini series so y’all are able to see my heart and see more into what I am doing and how I am feeling.
One thing that God has been teaching me is, the characteristics that we have can be seen in more than one way. And woah, what a humbling experience it has been…
Leadership has always been a role that I stepped into. To me, it meant leading a group through an obstacle. It meant asking others the hard questions and helping them understand why. And sometimes I’ll be the first to admit, I struggled when I wasn’t always the leader. At training camp, I was approached and asked to be logistics and my immediate reaction was, I don’t know how to do logistics. But then God was like, “you’ve been a leader before, take this as a new challenge.”
It’s a leadership role, so you would think I’d be satisfied right? As logistics, we organize travel days from country to country and plan the debriefs for the squad. Our duties pertain more to the squad as a whole and not our individual team. I had expressed to my team soon after launch that I may struggle with letting our team leader team lead. And to hold me accountable when I do step up out of turn.
Mentally, month one was difficult. Leaving the states, I fully expected to put all comfortable things behind me and not to arrive to a queen bed to myself and a pool for ministry. Then, along with this shift in mindset, our team went through a difficult period of tension.
THANK YOU JESUS for a team that was super vulnerable with me and was honest when I approached situations as though I was in charge when it wasn’t my time to be. And how, when I communicated with them, it wasn’t portrayed in a way I intended it to be. And it was harder than I thought it’d be. I felt myself biting my tongue a lot, which then turned into me being fearful of saying too much. But I really do have incredible teammates that listen to me speak and help me through each struggle.
I spent the rest of the month in the Philippines and most of the month in Thailand learning what it was like to be a leader from the background.
Sometimes leadership solely means seeking out other’s gifts and calling them higher. Sometimes leadership means encouraging people and holding them accountable. Sometimes it means letting others learn from their mistakes.
It’s respecting everyone around you and allowing them to be used to their full capability. I’m still a leader, but during this journey it’s going to look different than I’ve seen. Taking this step back I am able to observe all my squad-mates and teammates excel at their passions.
And wow, what an honor it has been to walk among them.
I love y’all
-B
I am still fundraising to be fully funded by the end of January. This is where y’all come into play. If you could share my blogs and my story. I have around $5000 left to raise and whether you feel called to donate or just to share, both are a huge help and will get me one step closer. I can’t thank all my supporters enough, together we’ve raised over $13,000 and God has provided big and I know He isn’t done.
